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I don’t know what’s going on with my heart lately, and honestly, it’s starting to drive me crazy. There’s this guy — he’s sweet, he makes me laugh, and when we talk, it’s easy. I think I’m supposed to like him. People expect it. I mean, it makes sense, right? A guy likes a girl, a girl likes a guy — simple. But then there’s her. And with her, it’s... different. When she looks at me, it’s like she sees right through all the pretending. We don’t even have to say much — sometimes just sitting next to her makes my chest feel warm, like something about it is right. We talk about the smallest things, but somehow those conversations stay with me longer. I catch myself thinking about her voice, her smile, the way she laughs at my dumb jokes like they’re actually funny. And I don’t know what that means. I really don’t.
I’ve already asked my friends, hoping they’d help me figure this out, but they mostly just laughed and made jokes. Some said I’m probably overthinking it, others told me to chill and “let it be whatever it is,” and a few just gave me looks like they weren’t sure what to say. A couple of them even teased me, saying I’m basically living like I’m in a Chappell Roan song. And honestly, they’re kind of right. It does feel loud and weird and way too emotional for me to keep acting like it’s not a big deal. But underneath the jokes, I don’t think they really get how stuck I feel. Like I’m trying to walk a straight line, but my thoughts keep pulling me in two different directions. Some days I feel sure of one thing, then the next I’m questioning everything all over again.
I don’t even think I need a label right now. I just want to understand. I want to know why this feels so confusing, why I can’t stop thinking about her, but also why I keep telling myself I should feel more for him. I hate that I don’t have a clear answer, that I can’t just explain it to myself in a way that makes it make sense. It’s not about love or relationships or anything that big — it’s just this feeling that won’t go away, and I don’t know what to do with it.
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poblo
He checks every box. It's what people expect, what looks right on paper. Maybe that the problem it only looks right on paper.
I know you said you don't need a label or anything, but it kinda sounds like your in love and maybe you're just scared to take the step towards what actually feels right, because it doesn't fit the norm. That's how I interpreted your little rant. I feel like your standing at the edge of something real, and you're afraid to admit it. And that's okay. but maybe it's time to stop running and face it.
xX_nIk0laikInnIe_Xx
The mind is really... Difficult. This happens to me with my phobias; if I see something that looks similar to a centipede I'm going to try and ignore it but the most I ignore it the more it sticks to me! It's like I can't control my own brain. The reason as why you can't get her out of your head might be the same as my situation with centipedes; unless you pay attention to the thing that's bothering you it's not going to go away, because you're never going to process it and get over it, something's are hard to keep silent I'm afraid