random thoughts

i've always wanted to keep a blog but i have genuinely never been good at posting consistently on any platform ever. i have too many interests and hobbies, and lately i've had crashouts of exhaustion where i tend to do nothing for days or weeks. i use tumblr and bluesky as ports to get my thoughts out for the most part but i also do love to ramble so maybe i'll start talking about different topics here

i really want to start an instagram account dedicated to lolita fashion, but i have a few hangups about it. for one thing, i think i'm not very pretty. i also struggle with an eating disorder so that's been interesting... actually wearing the dresses makes me feel happier abt myself than i've ever felt but shopping for them sometimes makes me want to stop eating. and thirdly i feel like with what clothes i do own i'm not that... creative? i have to reuse pieces a lot in coords although i try not to. if i had a few extra thousand dollars i would be going on an angelic pretty/metamorphose shopping spree immediately. my ko-fi is @oudkee if anyone would like to donate to my cause.

i guess in all i just don't want to be made fun of for these things even though i love the fashion and want to share it online publicly. i get so many compliments in person (when a TSA agent guy at an international airport compliments your dress you know you've made it) so i'm like maybe i'm overthinking things... but i know the internet is mean. i think if i finally just do it i'll start feeling better, and i know i have friends that will support me, but it's just such a big hurdle to get over.

i perused my tumblr for some of my outfits and this one from december was the only one i could find for some reason?

i kind of haven't been as interested in yugioh lately as i was a year ago. i never did finish watching 5ds even though it's objectively the best out of all of them in terms of writing and themes... (zexal is still my favourite because of how strange it is (and because of my beloved tron of course).) i started watching sevens but didn't get very far even though it's cute. but with go rush finally ending a couple weeks ago now i feel like i should get back to work and finish 5ds, sevens, and go rush this year... then i'll have officially watched every main yugioh series which is a LOT for me who has a difficult time finishing shows at all. i've already watched over 1,000 individual episodes of yugioh alone.

if i had the drive, i could actually finish so many anime that have been on my bucket list for years. but just sitting down to watch anything has been complicated lately... it just comes back to me being too exhausted for anything. but that being said...

lately i've been very obsessed with doctor who. i started casually watching the classic episodes on pluto tv with my parents last october, then at the end of december i found myself addicted to the style of storytelling and the quiet-yet-adventurous vibe of it all. however i've found it really hard to get into the modern show that everyone on tumblr was so obsessed with in 2012. the stories are engaging, but i love melancholic vintage sci-fi too much and i can't stop obsessing over the 1980s era, particularly the fifth and sixth doctors.

i have a very big crush on the sixth doctor and think he's the most handsome

i also really think the fifth doctor is fun. his companion turlough is such a cringefail weirdboy and i am obsessed with him. i also like the third doctor and LOVE jo grant. i've seen all of six's episodes so i'm working on five's now and then i'll watch all of three... maybe afterwards i'll do seven next. i didn't watch the yugioh series in order i cannot be contained

that's all i can think of to talk about for now. i'm not a very interesting person. if you would like to follow me on tumblr or bluesky i am @oudkee on both and i am a lot more insane on both (mainly tumblr)

see you next time when i hopefully remember to post again