im afraid

hey so the bitch is back with big news. bitches. I KISSED THE BOY I WAS OBSEsSED WITH AND IT WAS CUTE. he was all touchy saying that he likes me and he wants to be with me....... i love him fuck it i dont care if we only kissed once and barely held hands I DONT CARE! THATS MY HUSBAND! oh god im so in love is soooo good to be back girlies.......

btw one thing that i hate about being in love is the fact that im the biggest overthinker ever, but this time i think he noticed it.... he is the only one that noticed it btw.... in ma life..... i said "i hope youre not playing with me" and he said "stop thinking too much, i like u fr".................. ok but do u mean it................? im so anxious that if he takes 10min to answer im like Wtf did i do, BUT!!! now that he told me basically to calm down idk but it worked a lot..... love me a man that knows how to keep me..

i dont like playing mind games but is necessary and im playing some here and there......

everything is going downhill at my job but u know when u dont give af cause u see that love is pretty and u cant think abt anything else like this must be a disease..... girl is your salary a man cant do that for u....... BUT IDGAF CAUSE IS !HIM! AND I SO IN LOVE I Might be blind. and im looking desesperate i might stop showing up everywhere he is...... see im overthinking...... idk abt u guys but i love when im in love and i see the person everywhere but what if #He doesnt lik it......... idk.......

yesterday at the gym i thought he wasnt going to but he kissed me like 1000x in front of everyone i don care if this is love bombing then i wanna get BOMBED!!!!!!!!! he was so fucking cute hugging n everyhing im so afraid im gonna lose him idgaf (again) if he told me to trust him I TRUST NOBODY BABY I NEED MORE i need to be with you 100hours a day to make sure u still like me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate falling in love cause for me is:

falling in love>fear of losing the person

is automatic this shit isnt for me 

i cant believe he likes me cause of the way he types sometimes FUCK TECHNOLOGY COME SEE ME!!!!!!!!!! SO I CAN SEE U WANT ME!!!! IM ANXIOUS  !!!!!!!! AND PARANOID!!!!!! genuinely afraid that one day hes gonna look at me and think "oh god shes actually annoying and trying too much and boring bye" even tho he said he wont do it........ im just a girl i cant help thinking like this.... also im traumatized cause people are such pros at leaving me without saying a word, so is understandable that i feel like this. for the past 20 years (my age) every person that i tried to keep is far away from me now. romantically saying cause my besties are mine for life. but the people that i tried to create romantic bonds with are too far gone......... from my life..........

even if i know im pretty and funny and cool and interesting (humbly saying), idk why im so afraid of losing people i started to talk to 2 weeks ago (him), maybe cuz EVERYONE IS ABANDONING THE GIRL. the girl is me btw.

now im afraid im afraid but im in love but im afraid but i want him but im afraid i might lose him but i want him close to me