alive

hello i am alive and back i guess right now i am blasting music, sitting in my window seal smoking a joint. i’m tired i’m so tired and my entire body hurts from a stupid hike i did but yeah. i went to a lake with a group of friends and got fucked up and had to walk a mile uphill drunk and high back home so that was cool it was for my birthday i’m 20 now i’m getting the unc status anyways, not a day passed where i’ve been sober. i’m high all day and so fuckig drunk. i love it i love ruining my life i love the feeling of going outside to sit in the dress when it’s dark and just smoke till i can’t feel and just stare up at the sky because it’s so peaceful, and i can’t talk to the stars without them judging me. they don’t say anything they just listen, there’s so much comfort in that, the silence. just my own voice but even then i can barely hear that with all of the shit i’ve been doing. i’ve been insanely horny too. got some birthday head by one of my friends, yk the friendly head no strings attached fr. i also got a necklace, some weed by her too. and a letter. a sad fucking letter. just about her saying he wished i wasn’t such an asshole to her lmaooo and just about how everything we did was casual but not to her, and when i think about it, maybe she’s right, but idk. like just ugh ido. i’m constantly in the state of i don’t know. there’s nothing to know yk? i’m just blank all the time. me and ketamine are locked in i truly cannot care about the stupid bullshit i’ve gotta do. i’m getting evicted too, i got fired, i had to watch my cat get put down. she had kittens and now there just everywhere lmao. but yeah. school is still happening just rarely. i’m mad because i have an ex, and she told me “never ever contact me again” but she ended up fucking emailing me happy birthday, like nah fuck you so i just said fuck you and blocked her because r u dead ass rn ?? like hop the FUUUUCCCKKKK off my dick. i legit hate her hoe ass so bad i’m gonna start shaking. okay but anyways, my friend made me a drawing of a giraffe smoking a mount and on steroids. he’s awesome, i love his artwork he’s fucking cool dude we smoke all the time together, we went out to dinner like some date or smth, lil bromance type shit, we get down on that faggotry yk lmao ok i have to go now i’m about to piss myself