What is love?

I used to believe in love with everything in me. As a little girl, I dreamed of it like it was something magical — something warm and safe, like the movies where people find each other and never let go. I thought love meant forever. So when I first felt it, I let myself fall without holding back. I trusted them with parts of me I didn’t even fully understand yet. I gave my time, my thoughts, my heart — hoping they would take care of it. But they didn’t. They left, just like that, and it broke something inside me. I told myself I’d be okay, that it was just one mistake. But then it happened again. And again. And with every heartbreak, I started to lose pieces of the girl who once believed love was the best thing in the world.

Now, I question everything. I overthink every kind word, every small gesture. I smile when people say sweet things, but deep down I’m waiting for them to disappear. It’s like my heart flinches even before anything goes wrong. I’ve started to wonder if something’s wrong with me — if I care too much or expect too much. I’ve learned to laugh through pain and act like it doesn’t matter, but it does. I see other people in love, happy and whole, and I try to be happy for them. But I feel this quiet ache, like maybe love isn’t something made for someone like me. Maybe I give too much of myself, maybe I believe too deeply. I miss the old version of me — the one who believed in love without fear, who didn’t carry this heavy doubt around every time someone said they cared.

At night, when the world goes quiet, that’s when it hurts the most. I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, and all the memories come back — the good ones that turned into pain. I remember the way they looked at me, the things they promised, the way it all slowly faded without a real explanation. And I cry, sometimes softly, because it’s hard to hold this kind of sadness when no one else sees it. I wonder if I’ll ever be truly loved the way I’ve always wanted — fully, gently, and without conditions. I still hope, even if it’s a small, tired kind of hope. But I’ve learned to guard my heart now. I walk through the world pretending to be fine, pretending to be strong. But deep down, I’m still that same girl — just wishing someone would stay and love me enough to help me believe again.