Friendship drama :(

Hi, it’s Moon <3

As someone who has had many, many, many different friend groups from different backgrounds over the years of my life, I have come across many situations where I couldn’t decide how to react and what to do to prevent myself from getting hurt. There has been countless friends I have made who turned out to be bad people, and manipulated me, changed me into someone I hated, and not let me have my own opinions. I wanted to come on here and talk about some examples of these situations and how to prioritise your well-being over trying to salvage bad friendships.

The first example I want to give, is a friend of mine who I have known almost since I started school. We were best friends all through primary school, always liked the same things, always hanging out, we were tied like a knot. I even remember us attempting to convince people we were sisters. When we reached intermediate school (age 12), that was when it all flipped. We were still great friends all through intermediate, but what I didn’t realise was the influence she (and many other people at my school) had on me. I became a pretty rude person, much of what I said and did during those two years are some of my biggest regrets, and I also didn’t have my own opinions anymore.

Unknowingly, I had started to just follow her in anything she did. When she started using bad language, I started using bad language, when she started judging others and being rude, so did I. I also felt like I couldn’t have my own interests, because I was scared of her judging me. For everything, including my clothes, how I talked, how I looked, how I treated others, and the things I like doing in my free time, all of it was what she wanted and what I knew she would like. I am not trying to say bad things about her as a person, because everyone in that school played a part, but I am just saying that as we got older I started to realise how different we were, and I was scared to lose my best friend so I was easily swayed by her opinions.

What really changed for me was when I got to high school, I was upset that I wasn’t going to the same school as her, but I quickly realised how free I felt. It was like a weight had been lifted off my back, and I found friends who actually let me enjoy what I wanted to, didn’t judge me for anything, and I also found that I could be more comfortable about my religion with them, unlike how I suppressed it and got embarrassed about it with my previous friend. My point with this example is that you should be very careful to notice how your friends affect your life. If you cannot be yourself or you feel scared of being judged by your friend(s), then you shouldn’t be hanging out with them, it’s as simple as that. Of course, I didn’t even notice at the time, but after we split up to different schools, it was a big relief. Sometimes change can be a good thing, God always has a plan for you, so whatever happens, it’s for the better.

Another example is a friend I had very recently, we are still classmates but we stopped considering each other friends about 6 months ago. I won’t go into detail about this one, but she was constantly controlling who I was friends with and causing drama, and getting upset when things didn’t go her way. She has what you would call a “victim mindset” always thinking everyone else is at fault when really she is usually the person who starts all this drama. She was also a lot of mental weight to deal with, and I was trying to be a protective friend, so she would always come to me about her relationship problems and I would go say rude stuff to the person, and I was just always dealing with her cycle.

She would act really weird around a guy, like raising her voice higher and always trying to get his attention, and if me or any of her other friends brought it up, she would say “no we are just friends” or “no of course not, he’s really annoying I would never date him”. Then if someone started rumours about her liking him, she would constantly be talking about how much she hated it, but obviously liking the attention. Then not long after they would end up dating, then after a week they break up and she comes crying to me about how horrible that person is, then she would go and date someone 2 days after and act as if nothing happened. I just got so sick of her emotionally leaning on me all the time and taking advantage of the fact that I would happily go and yell at her ex for her, that I just stopped helping her.

Over time we got into a few big fights, and in the end we just decided it was best for both of us to not be friends anymore. I might seem like the bad person here, complaining about her love life, but it was too much for me to handle, and she was constantly dumping all her problems on me to solve, and when she caused drama she would get upset when it came crashing back down on her.

In these situations the best thing you can do is just stop being friends with them all together. If it’s pulling you down, and they are someone who enjoys stirring up drama, it’s not going to help you to get caught up in their business and let them use you to solve their problems. Even if it means straight up telling them “I don’t think this is working, I’m tired of you acting like this” then so be it, that’s what you have to do to preserve your feelings and mental health.

The last example I have is someone I have dealt with recently. This girl is just very problematic, rude, and always getting what she wants. I don’t like to gossip about anyone, and I try not to be rude, so I won’t, but for the sake of this example I need to tell you about how she acts. Basically, if she doesn’t get what she wants, she cries and finds some reason to make you feel guilty about her, she has very strange beliefs that everyone will fit into their cultural stereotypes, she doesn’t do any work in class and cries if the teacher tells her off, and she is just such a rude person in general.

As a Christian, I am always trying my best to be nice to her, and be slow to get angry, but it’s just so hard sometimes when she puts me in a place of sacrifice so that she can get what she wants. She doesn’t have many friends, and I see a lot of the time people in school mock her because she has Tourette’s syndrome. That is partly the reason why I tried so hard to be nice to her, but it’s just so hard to stay calm. What I found when dealing with her, is to just keep my distance. It’s a lot easier for me to still be nice to her, when I don’t have to deal with her being rude to me or throwing tantrums to get her way. The more closer I am with her, the more comfortable she is to act rudely and take advantage of me.

Anyway, the main point of this story is to tell you that your well-being should always be the priority in these situations. If your friend is affecting you negatively, or you don’t feel comfortable around them, the easiest thing to do is just leave that environment. I understand it’s hard, especially if you or they don’t have other friends to go to, or if you want to be nice about it, but it’s really just a step you have to take to preserve your feelings.

I hope your friendships are going well, and if they aren’t, I hope you find a way to leave them behind and find better friends you can trust, God bless you all,

Moon <3

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

- Proverbs 18:24

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

- Proverbs 4:23