i want peace more than anything else on earth.

i am well aware that it's a privilege to live a peaceful life. 

it takes a lot of shifts and changes to achieve that contentment in years of living of a cycle of making mistakes, choosing right choices, forgiveness, and humane emotions. 

but i want it more than anything.

in the past, despite that there are recent occurrences, i used to blame every unfortunate or any miserable changes in my life on to myself and in the situations 

i put myself in where i realized it all too late. 

i used to blame myself for not realizing things sooner enough. but i know for certain that it takes time for me to realize things that will make sense in my own way of understanding circumstances.

i know now that it'll be okay. things will be okay.

i used to believe that things wouldn't, but it takes a small, heartful, and genuine interaction and countless of conversations with others of how they view life itself to know that there is boundless of bliss and misfortune to change the way i perceive life.

a human being without its nature of being social - that's how things work for me. being quiet was all i ever wanted through existing. but little did i know that through social media, i still try to connect even without verbally putting an effort but through how i convey my intentions and feelings in writing, typing, and creating.

even if the place itself such as the internet makes me turn inside out and i feel like my guts are being violated because i witness people with cruel intentions, rage-baiting, and other unpleasant aspects of interactions, there's still goodness and kindness within certain communities that makes people who feel left out or an outcast in their reality feel like they belong. 

but still, it is still a bad place to be in.

but wanting to live a peaceful life is a scale that needs to be constantly balanced. that's how it is for me. it's tough, but it'll get easier. this blog will be a reminder for myself.