The Real Alice in Wonderland

Wonderland isn't anything like you heard about in the stories and Alice isn't some scared little girl trying to find her way home. Let me tell you the real story.

My name is Alexis, some people call me Alice. I live in a world that is full of dark forests and evil creatures. The Queen O’Hara, had ordered my parents to be beheaded when I was but 8 years old. She then took me in and had her servants raise me. She was a nasty Queen. Always yelling and torturing her servants. She had me working in the kitchen when I was 9.
She was a very greedy Queen and wanted everything done right or she would have you beheaded.

Late one night when I was 15, I escaped from the castle and fled into the Forrest of Darkness. There the Evil Tree King tried to capture me but the Evil twins, Tork and Turk, captured me first. They chained me to a bed and would have their way with me whenever they felt like it.

I convinced them that they didn't need to keep me chained anymore. I told them that I grew to love them, so they unchained me then started fighting over who I loved more. In all the commotion, I grabbed an ax they had hanging on the wall and I cut off their heads. I burnt the bodies in the fireplace and made their home mine. I made my own clothes and learned how to make weapons from trial and error.

I am now 23. I have mastered my weapon making skills and can use them just as efficiently. I have acquired a mouse and a rabbit friend. I made them some armor and taught them fighting skills.

It was midday in June; I went to the forest of Darkness and chopped down the Tree King. My victory spread all over the land. The Queen sent out a madman to hunt and kill me.

I was asleep in my bed when the Madman snuck in and held a blade to my throat

"You are too beautiful to kill. The Queen ordered me to have you killed, but I cannot."

"So stay here with me and I will revenge my parents and kill the evil Queen."

I plotted the Queens demise and a few more joined the legion. A cat that was once cherished by the queen then sent for a beheading because he smiled too much, A caterpillar that knew all there was to know about the land and how to get into the castle, and four enchanted flower power people that hated the Queen because she ordered them to be beheaded because they weren't red roses. So months went by as I trained them for battle. Mean while the Queen had acquired some Guards that were really cards! I mean these guys couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag!

Finally the day came and we snuck into the castle and killed all the guards. I made my way to the Queens chambers, only to find that she had shrunk herself in hopes that I wouldn't see her and she could escape.
The mouse cornered her and I placed a glass over her. We had won. The Kingdom was now mine and I am now Queen Alice, Ruler of Wonderland and even though we still have beasts to vanquish, I hold my head high and go forth into battle proud of everything I have accomplished.

What became of the Queen? I had her painted red and planted in the garden with only her head sticking out. Of course it is just a skeleton now, but I sleep better at night.

© J. A. Gage