vent/not rlly/ idk?

i am very happy that i started using spacehey I still kinda call it myspace, but I know its not, but its just stuck in my head. i lowkey don't rlly know what I wanna do with my life. about 3 weeks ago I got a job and when the day came to go I fucking bailed like a pussy and didn't show up which sucked and I hate that I did that it disappointed everybody around me. i started to question why I even need a job I mean I borrow ;) from places and my mother has said I don't need a job and stuff. Still, I know that if I don't get a job while I'm a teen and put it off, im just scared that when I'm a adult Ill still be putting it off and then be a deadbeat and do nothing but I want to do stuff but at the same time im just chronically lazy and it genuinely sucks. one of my friends told me that its normal to not have a job until after highschool but then I have people around me talking about "oh when I was your age I got a job and oh you should get one" and when i first turned 13 i got to do the things that made me happy. I still do but now that im 16 it just feels like if i get a job then i wont be able to do certain things i enjoy and now that i think about it that sounds stupid but idk im just stupid, maybe me feeling this way is stupid, maybe i should just suck it up and be a adult and grow a pair, i want to be a mortittan but i so badly want to get into music i want to make a band and make it big or do i? i don't know what i want, sometimes i feel like idk who i am. sometimes i wish the voice in my head would just talk for me like with other peoples voices i feel like she( the voice in my head) has a better tone and a better way of saying things. i don't like how i handle certain situations how i respond to certain things i feel like im doing nothing right now i constantly miss school because im to lazy to even get up i don't have my permiu to license because i cant get my ass up to go to fucking school and i cant blame anybody else its all me its just me. idk maybe im just speaking out of my ass but i like this its soothing i should get a diary. 

Maybe ill be fine and grow up into a fine young lady and be who i want i want to be a lot of things. sometimes i think about multiple realities and how im different in each one. is there one where im an engineer and i have a cat, is there one where im a famous artist and travel the world, is there one where im a chef and im from New York and live with my family. who knows maybe one of those will align with this reality and manifest itself (i hope its the chef one). 

im just talking guys sorry for the yap sesh nothing really positive in my life i mean it doesn't suck its just noting that made me happy or had a positive impact happened yet manifesting one will soon

and what about manifesting, i like to do that it rlly does work i think ill just manifest my whole life ahead of me manifest a life of being in a cool band with my two closest friends. i rlly do love them both and so badly want to be in a band with them they cant rlly play anything but idk ill work on that with them. sade and hillary are at the moment my two closest friends and there's moments when they piss me off to my core seriously and then there's moments where im laughing my ass off with them and there's moments where we r talking about something sensitive and serious and i do love all of those moments.

i think I've said all i can say if you read all of this that's genuinely impressive again this is just a huge yap sesh