effectivity

y'know, i see it. i see things getting worse around me, not only in my personal life, which feels small by comparison (and in my own personal life, the way i'm treated is so normalized, even to me...until anyone else materially supports me, and i highly doubt anyone will, this literally is just how things are), but politically, globally, as well. i see it. ...god, and there are so many pre-disabled people who are so (relatively) *privileged* and they could have the willpower & priorities to match, but they don't, and i look outside and see so many people who could make so much more of a material difference than i'm allowed to, but they're apparently fine - or, fine enough - with how things are that they won't even *use* their increased ability. like. if i could miraculously run again, i would do what needed to be done just for the joy of being able to, and because resistance is important to me, and most people won't even lift a finger. a finger. but i picture myself doing what needs to be done, and...i can't. i literally can't. it's not a mental block, it's a physical one, that most people don't have, and yet....i am banging on the walls of my glass cage, able to see out but not do a thing to change what i see, and it is for this reason i am angry at everyone who can but chooses not to. is a fuck