Writing music is so damn hard. (LONG ASS MUSIC ABILITY & CREATION RANT)

My creativity tries to kill me because I feel as I'm all over the god damn place with how I wanna write music. I can never even feel like I'm even sticking with the same genre I'm writing 4 at times. I play guitar mostly and I also play a lot of bass. Percussion has always been a struggle for me to write, maybe I should find a drummer to help me out with percussion. I tend to almost always hate my vocals, especially when recorded. The only time I liked my vocals was when I figured out 4 a moment how to do some gutturals similar to Martian from Gutalax and sound like a frog croaking, I'm still trying to remember how I did it. I always wanted to learn how to scream but I feel like I can only get up to a whisper. I never feel like I'm good enough 4 clean singing but I think knowing how to actually scream would be cool af. Good thing I plan to HOPEFULLY be able to do a shit ton of projects in the future, or at least one punk and metal band along with solo stuff. I sometimes feel like I also copy ppl sometimes, which isn't always a bad thing but I wanna be able to do more stuff that is innovative and unique along with little elements of inspiration sprinkled in from the greats that have given me a reason 2 wanna make music in the first place. I also dk how I wanna get other ppl 2 work with me, I already know a guy that plays guitar that I am more then willing to start a band with, but idk where I'm gonna find a bassist and drummer in my area that would wanna work with me. I'm okay with having to record bass but a drummer would do me so many wonders 4 me. All the percussionists in my classes class haven't seemed to express interest in the sorta stuff I would wanna make with them. I might have to make a "Need Drummer" sign and see what gets thrown at me lol. I do have a kid that I had offered to wanna start a ska band with me but he hasn't talked to me about in months and I just put that all to the side till bro comes back 2 me about it, maybe will ask him about it toward the end of the school year. BTW, this guy wants 2 play trombone which would be cool af to play around with when it comes 2 writing. I have been taking a class in my school that specializes in recording but I have to use Garage Band, which in it's self isn't a bad program 2 use, but the issue is that it is a Apple exclusive application. I don't really like using Mac all 2 much, I prefer Windows. So I get to have to learn another program, I've had a "legally" free download version of FL Studio on my laptop 4 a good bit, I haven't used it all 2 much bc I still need more equipment, of fuking course. I still gotta get my hands on a good mic and one of those things to connect my guitar 2. Ok, I think it's probably time 4 this damn rant 2 end before it gets longer than da bibble.