theres spring in the air bc i no longer have opps

so there was this concert like a week ago and i went there with that girl i talked about earlier, and i wasnt expecting my ex to also be there but well she was and so for like the first 2 hours we were just staring at eachother akwardly as one does and we did not talked with some people at the same time, so it was kinda messed up and then i decided that i should talk to her and tell her that i dont have anything against her anymore and so i did and it turns out she doesnt care at all too so i think thats great ^^

also the girl i went there with touched my arm in a way that i could interpret as kind of leaning into the romantic teritory but as always I DONT KNOW and so i was thinking about it and i dont even know if i would be able to see her romanticly bc like for this whole time ive only seen her as a good friend so i dont think i could even bring myself to have any feelings for her..

but at the same time im SO STARVED for a relationship and also so so so heavily touch starved that if she asked me then i would probably agree and then end up hurting both me and her......

but im not a horrible person bc of that and thats what i need to tell myself or im gonna get worse again as i did in winter 

xxx