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(Warning! This is literally just words....a lot of words)
As (some) of you may know, I am greatly attracted to those of the same sex aka I'm gay. Right? However, this isn't public knowledge to many people in my life and only a select few people are fully aware of this. Keep in mind, I have no intention of coming out to people who have no impact on my life outside of school! Like, I don't need my whole school knowing that I'm not attracted to men.
Among the people that don't know of my homosexual endeavours include my family! Now, I'm not 100% sure they're homophobic, but i don't want to stir the pot anytime soon and honestly, I'd rather hand them an invitation to my wedding with a woman and have that be my coming out.
I wouldn't say that I'm content with my identity. I'm extremely conflicted. I like to think of myself as a practicing Christian, albeit with many problems to overcome, and so it doesn't help when I see christians condemning openly gay people who also practice christianity. I'd like to believe that God wouldn't stop loving someone based on something as small as that but I don't read enough scripture to have a firm opinion (I do need to fix this!).
I'm Nigerian, and so my family is actively a part of a community located in the area I live in. Every few months or so, an event happens where we have to wear cultural clothes and go and attend a party, with many other families. I usually hang out with my sibling/s and a few others girls our age. Recently, all they've been talking about is marriage and boys (fun!). I don't contribute much to these conversations, obviously seeing as I have no interets in marrying a man, so I just listen.
They talk about what type of boys they like, what they'd want their husbands to do, how many children they want. And I just listen. They talk about their wedding and how they would allow us (me included) to be their bridesmaids and I think about whether they'd be invited to my wedding, not to talk about even wanting to come.
I think about this often - how many people will come to my wedding? My exterior family members most definitely would not. Most of my aunts and uncles live in Nigeria and are way above the age to understand what gay means. I think about my parents, who once told me that I'm too young to understand what gay means and that I shouldn't think about that typa stuff because it makes them look bad. I think about my sister, who doesn't seem to be affected by gay people and I wonder if I would be the exception.
How would I date a girl, knowing that I could never bring her to my house to meet my parents? How would I date a girl and keep her a secret from my family until the day we decide to get married? How would I marry a girl and not have my family support me? To not have my family meet her? To not have my family return my texts or calls when I try to contact them?
People will be disappointed; disgusted; confused. "What is wrong with her?" "She wasn't home trained." "What did her parents do wrong?" I won't have a community to fall back on. I won't have my traditional wedding because nobody would even attend.
And, I'm aware that a popular method to dealing with this is just to cut off those who don't support you. But what do I do if that means cutting of literally everyone I know? Is it that easy? To just forget about people who've known you when you were a kid? Who wanted the best for you? Who wanted to see you marry a man before they die?
I don't know what to do. I don't know. I just hope they, somehow, accept me. So that one day, I can accept myself fully too.
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Remi (VOLUME WARNING!!)
if you do get around to reading scripture, coming from somebody who hasn't touched a bible since she was 8, do keep in mind that there's a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to homosexuality and trying to pair it with the modern day.
here's a piece from PBS
Homosexuality may be frowned upon, but the real reason for the biblical injunction lies elsewhere. Again the reader must wait until later chapters to see the detailed exegetical investigations. Here only the conclusions can be listed. "Deut. 23:17-18 inveighs against female and male cult prostitutes. But it is at least a strong option that the male prostitute serviced females rather than male". Thus the KJV [King James Version] translation ''sodomite'' has no contemporary scholarly basis and must be judged a mistranslation. Even if such a male did service other males, it is prostitution per se which is prohibited, not homosexuality in general."
another article from Living Out that covers the two infamous verses:
‘You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination’
Leviticus 18:22
‘If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them’
Leviticus 20:13
Sometimes people claim that these verses appear in a book of laws that no Christians think we should follow today. Hence, they say, the prohibitions on same-sex sex do not now apply. Others note that in the Old Testament Law ‘an abomination’ is often used to describe idolatry. They therefore suggest these verses do not condemn all homosexual behaviour, but only cultic prostitution connected to pagan temples.
However, the language used is not that specific—it refers in general terms to lying with a man ‘as with a woman’. In addition, the surrounding verses describe other forms of sexual sin (such as incest, adultery and bestiality). These have nothing to do with pagan temples or idolatry, and Christians would recognise that they are still forbidden today. It is moral—not just pagan religious—behaviour that’s in view. Furthermore, Leviticus 20:13 highlights both male parties equally. This also suggests that general, consensual homosexual activity is in view (as opposed to rape or a forced relationship).
from christianity.com
"It is not appropriate to label someone who identifies as gay or transgender as a "sinner" while overlooking one's own faults. Deflecting attention from one's sins does not deceive God. Homosexuality is not some kind of "special sin" that God can never forgive. All sins separate people from God. Christ died to free everyone from sin."
1. We are all sinners. To suggest otherwise is to ignore the plank sticking out of one’s eye while examining the speck in someone else’s (Matthew 7:3-5).
2. We are commanded not to judge others. If we treat other people as though they are not as valuable to God as we are, then we risk incurring his judgment on ourselves (Matthew 7:1-2).
3. Jesus says, “come to me all you who are weary.” This is not an invitation to particular individuals who qualify on the basis of their behavior or lifestyle but to anyone who is tired (Matthew 11:28).
the best piece of advice that a friend gave me was "once you start your own life, you get to choose who is in it." speaking from personal experience, it will not be easy to cut off anybody in your immediate family. I still catch myself second guessing and talking myself out of it, but it's set in stone for me. don't let that discourage you, though. if you feel it's necessary for your happiness, then do it. better you'd have 30 people show up to your gay wedding that love you wholly.
from one remi to another, I hope it all works out.
i loved reading this and it clarified a lot of stuff for me! tyvm for taking the time to type out that whole comment (it was a lot...) and i appreciate your words of support! I hope everything works out (and is working out) for you and I will try my best with my own dilemmas. Thank you again for these words of wisdom <3
by remi; ; Report