to my one and only

What more words can I say than I love you as I long to say more than just three words to show how deeply I am for you. You ever consume me, feeding my sorrows and woes with your beautiful poison, the delicacy I crave within me. I hurt more to see you go, to let you leave from my beside. I feel selfish, such selfishness I carry and bear to your hands. I can’t help myself. My needs turmoil and turn me inside out. I pray that you save my days, locked in everlasting descent into madness. you are my clarity in this reality, this reality that destroyed the act of yearning, days of earning can no longer be. It is not meant to be. But to be is to be told and no longer shall live this fickle life telling those who cannot hear, don’t want to hear so I stop. I count the days until you feel that I’m not enough, not like other pretty girls who dance and art with whimsical smiles from ear to ear. I envy them. But I’ve made my bed, I cannot be what I am not, and I can’t try, I won’t try, trying leads me back to you. I push you away now cause I’m me and that’s just what I do. I’m very much a ticking bomb, not sure why I even bother knowing when you’ll leave, I always leave first. So farewell, good day, by the time you read this letter I’ll be on my merry way. Don’t try to chase me- I’m halfway down a cave. This cave is our distance, but by the time I’m out I’m already back to you. It’s your poison I swear it’s possessive, addictive almost. I feel like a drug addict, always needing a fix, always coming back for more. I need to hate you to leave. I’m not a hateful person but hating you was easy, I digged through your every flaw, analysed your every act, until I convinced myself I was right to let go from your depths.

I once then realise I did not love you, I just loved.

From my love,

Me