Why?

Why don't I feel anything? I tell people the sweetest things and make them feel loved. They tell me how they blush and how they smile at what I tell them. I've stopped people from killing themselves, I stopped people from going insane. But when I am told these things, I feel nothing. When I am told I'm loved I do not feel it. I am told God loves me but I do not feel it. Any person who has had their lives fought for through crucifixion would be grateful and loved but I don't feel it. I do not feel loved. I do not feel seen. I have been told incredible things about myself. "You're so bright" "You're the most talented person I know" "You're a genius". Why don't I feel it? I know what I am capable of and what I am not. I am capable of love, but I have yet to feel it. Whenever my life comes close to being something great, the star explodes and I become more fragile. How much longer until I break? What happens then? Can I be so love deprived that I just, end?