and now what?

Viví la mayor parte de mi adolescencia con la expectativa de suicidarme a los 18, cuando tenía 10 años me daba miedo cumplir 15 porque creía que ya debía ser alguien para ese entonces, a los 14 años intenté hacerlo fallando en el intento, aparecieron los horribles 15 años y mi familia se mudó a USA llevándome con ellos, una semana después de ir a la preparatoria conocí a un chico de 17 años, algo en su forma de ser me pareció pesado y de la nada me confesó que tenía un plan parecido al mío, conocerlo fue más que una casualidad

it felt so strange to meet someone so much like me, especially under those circumstances. Little by little, we grew closer, and hearing his reasons for wanting to end his life was heartbreaking. He was a great person, and none of the things that happened to him were his fault, not even since he was a child.
On the other hand, everything that makes me feel disgusted with myself comes from situations I chose to get involved in. I even felt selfish for comparing myself to him, as if my suffering was just as unfair, when in reality, many of my wounds were caused by my own choices