Restarting the blog, groomers, grief, and sertraline.

Ok I'm gonna start blogging here again, because I don't really use tumblr like I real blog, and also this will actually motivate me to keep using this app.

As you can tell from the title, this isn't the funnest entry, so, tw for pedophillia and mention of suicide and self harm.

So, since like, January, everythings basically gone downhill, Grandma died in February, and thats when everything fell apart. I've had a few friendship problems but I won't talk about those here out of respect for the other parties involved. 

Life after grandma's death has been shit, I planned to kill myself about twice, I got in a wildly toxic relationship with a man who was definitely way too old (it lasted like 2 days and was completely online, no photos, no real info, don't worry, I'm safe) I was kinda just stringing him along cause I wanted to feel something, and then I blocked him and nothing has happened since. I've been having these WEIRDD mood swings, not even mood swings, changing my opinion on people like, 5 times every day, changing my moral and political standpoints, my religion, my mum's worried so she said to talk about it at the next psychiatrist appointment. Anyway, that brings me to my next topic, I started sertraline. (Yay! not really though) Its only 25 mg right now, as thats the only starting dose she could give me due to my age, but she'll probably increase it in the next appointment or two. I haven't noticed too much, probably because of the low dosage, just a bit number than usual. 

The grief of grannies death has really got to me I think, but like, subliminally, like I'm not noticing but its influencing my everyday decisions. I've done some super shitty stuff recently and guilt is basically hanging off me everyday, but, thats just life. You can't live and never make a mistake that makes you feel that kind of guilt.

But things haven't been all bad! I've gotten super into cinema and literature, and I've made some really good friends. I went to Dublin recently with my mum and had a great time, went to a play and everything. We're also going to the book of Mormon next week whcih will be great.

Anyway, that's all basically... Idc if nobody reads these honestly, I'm just doing this because I can't hold up a diary but I need something to talk into.

Toodaloo!