omfg i hate men

i typed all this out in a late night rant and then asked chatgpt to spellcheck it so sorry if its off at all

     Ok, so late June of last summer, my friend (E) had a graduation party. I went because I’ve known this friend since the 4th grade, and we were pretty much inseparable until COVID came along and ruined being able to have friends in real life. We didn’t fall apart per se and I still consider him one of my best friends, but we didn’t talk much throughout high school. I moved away after freshman year and he graduated early. I went to the grad party knowing that I probably wasn’t going to know anybody there apart from a few people, and although usually that would deter me from going, I don’t know how often I’ll be able to see him now that we’re off to college and into the real world.

     So I went to the party and was planning on clinging to another old friend, knowing that she was almost as introverted as I was but better at socializing when she had to. She brought her girlfriend, and we were all hanging out in a little trio for a while getting fucked up with everyone else. Fast-forward—it’s like 10 p.m. and we all decide to go swimming. I’m fucked and hear that this guy (M) is sober, so I tell him that he has to make sure I drink water before I go to bed and everything, and he agrees. I butted into a few of his conversations and found out that our birthdays are two days apart, which I found incredible because I for some reason thought that nobody else was born in late November?? But whatever—I was excited. At some point we high-fived and then he was high-fiving my friend’s girlfriend and I was like, no wait now I need another one, and so somehow high-fives became our little thing and it was cute. We also kept calling each other a bitch and telling the other to shut up. I’m not sure where that started, but I liked that he had the same affectionate “ugh I hate you so much” kind of humor? If that’s what you’d call it?? But I’m really mean to my friends in a loving, playful way and I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who was that quick to understand it and then on top of that reciprocate it, because I can be kinda monotone and I’m sarcastic, so I know I come off as bitchy sometimes—but he seemed to just match my energy immediately.

     Eventually we get out of the pool and everyone’s changing, and I ask my friend for like the millionth time if M was staying the night or not, and she looks at me with like a big-ass smirk and goes, “Why do you care if M is staying over?” and like wiggles her brows all excitedly. And I told her it was just because I needed him to make sure I drank water, and at that point it was—but I was blushing a bit, not gonna lie. I don’t even know if I was blushing purely because I was embarrassed or if it was because I definitely wanted to hang out with him more.

     We were all sitting around in E’s room just hanging out, and by this point I had decided that M and I were best friends. He kept giving me high-fives. Some other guy DoorDashed McDonald’s for everyone and I went down with them to pick it up because I wanted to say hi to the dasher. I kept clinging to M and telling him to not let me fall down the stairs and that he had to make sure I wasn’t going to fall. A bit after McDonald’s I remembered that I had made cake and went to go bring it upstairs. I got upstairs with it, and we all just tore into it with some forks, and it was good—but ever the bitch, M was like “ew this sucks” but whatever, he ate it anyway. Time passed and most people left/went to bed, leaving me, M, and like 4 other people.

     The six of us were sitting on the balcony just talking and hanging out, and I noticed that the pool lights were on, and they were purple. Purple’s my favorite color and I was not going to let it go unknown. I told him so so so many times that purple was my favorite and that we had to go swimming again. He kept telling me no, that we couldn’t go swimming. I, however, did not care at all and just left to go swimming anyway and everyone followed suit.

     We got in the pool and tbh not much happened. Eventually everyone went to bed, and it was just M and I. I started trauma dumping on him, and he just sat there and listened and was really sweet about the whole thing.

     We ended up going to bed and I wake up to him cuddling me, and it was cute. I let him continue, whatever. The next morning he CONTINUED to hold me, and we talked that whole morning. We were gonna go see a concert and get bagels, but I felt like shit so I decided to just go home, cuz he had to work later that day anyway.

     Early August, E has a birthday party and I’m super stoked cuz M’s gonna be there and even though it had been a month since I saw him, I kinda missed him. I didn’t have his number or anything, but we were like actively flirting that night in June—like tell me we weren’t. I end up finding out that this motherfucker has a fucking girlfriend. But I guess he was planning on breaking up with her? Idk. He was still low-key flirty and like we stayed friends because ouch, but I’m not gonna drop him because of it—I just know now to back off.

      I got his number later that month from E, and we talked like consistently throughout the entire summer and I swear to god he was single. My friend subtly brought it up and was like asking random questions about just generally guys and what they idealize in women, and she was like, “Well do you have a girlfriend? Like what’s important?” blah blah, and he said no. So I’m under the impression that he’s single—everything’s good. I can get back on my bullshit.

     April comes around, and we were planning to see the Minecraft movie. It’s been months since I’ve seen him, I’m hella excited, and then he remembers he’s gonna be in fucking Tampa that weekend, and so he can’t go. Stings because now he’s hours away surrounded by hot girls in bikinis, but what am I gonna do, yk? For some reason I start talking about him and his dating history cuz all his exes seemed to be kinda shitty to him, and I decide to go look at his ex-gf’s socials just to prove that they all look pretty similar. I get to his ex from the summer and find out that they’re together. Like, she’s actively in Tampa with him, and they are not, in fact, broken up. And now I really just dunno anymore. Wtf.