07

I'm supposed to be working on homework right now, but I genuinely can't focus. Mum and Dad seemed absolutely fine today; however, as soon as Mum and I came home from visiting Dad's parents, she was immediately up in Dad's face.

I'm caught in the crossfire, listening to them scream at each other, have Mum give repeated 'I hate you's, because I have to do dishes or else I'm going to get screamed at as well. Seeing Mum trying to hit Dad is just lovely. It's only been three days with him working on the day shift. I don't think I can handle this anymore. The issue is, there's nowhere for me to go. If I go to my grandparents, Mum will show up; if I go to my best friends, Mum will show up; I can't go anywhere without her showing up. Also can't just stay the night somewhere else tonight, I have to take HER to the doctor tomorrow when she's perfectly capable of driving herself. I have things I need to do, and I also just don't want to be near her. Can't tell her any of that, of course, because she'll naturally tell me to go fuck myself and still make me take her.

Whatever, I don't care anymore. I've gotten so tired of this. I'm only logging it because I want to get it out of my head. 

Other news is I'm ahead of my classes, and we have a ball coming up soon at school. I suppose that's noteworthy. Other than that, it's the same stuff mixed with a lot of thoughts about death. What it'd be like to die, what it'd be like after, the idea that it'd be great to disappear, then the fear that I'll never amount to anything in my life, and I'll die without having made a name for myself. 

I am, however, starting to worry about myself a small bit. Perhaps it's the fact that Mum and Dad fight so much that they blend together, but I can barely remember anything they were saying. I just remember seeing Mum approach Dad with her hand raised, and then me ignoring her while I did the dishes because she kept sniffling beside me. I feel like my memory is getting worse as the days go by, it doesn't even feel like days have passed.