Heart rot

my whole life ive felt nothing but alienation 

I have a self destructive narcissistic attention seeking bratty attitude and I use manipulation to get anything i want. I put up a front but internally im a very fragile frightened person. I'm a liar

i throw tantrums, im a brat

i have to resort to extreme expressions to be heard 

i dont even know who i am when im not performing for the people in my mind; taking other bits of different people's personalities and mirroring them to try to fit in

i have to water down my traits just to be more accepting 

i can never express myself in the way i really want without being off-putting and suppressing these traits doesnt work

im so sick of this cycle 

im not sure what i am

im a fraud 

there is something wrong with me and i cant even comprehend it myself