06

Honestly, I'm sick of this house. 

Dad got switched to day shift instead of night shift. Mum was really happy when he first went to night shifts because she wouldn't have to see or speak to him; I get that. He's awful; I get it. I liked him being on night shift, too. I didn't have to worry about being too loud or watching 'annoying' things (everything is annoying to him), and I didn't have to be called down from my room to make him drinks. The downside was being near Mum. Alone. A lot.

Some days, it's like I can't even be near her because her presence makes my skin feel wrong. So, when Dad got put back onto day shift, I thought it'd be at least a little bit better. No. It's only been two days, and Mum already just got done yelling at him. Dad isn't the best person, he's an asshole and a drunk who's too incompetent to do anything, but holy hell sometimes I think Mum is worse. They're so bad for each other, and it's no fair when Mum is the one telling me about all of it. I'm your son, not your therapist, not your friend, not your partner; son. 

Only two days and I've already had to sit beside my door to listen in and make sure nothing got physical. Nothing did this time. I'm so tired of it all. Mum doesn't even want me to leave the house anymore because every time I even mention going out, she gets all upset and pissy, "Yeah, whatever, leave me here. You'll have more fun with your friends than you will with me." Well. YEAH, actually, I do have more fun with her than I do with Mum. Mum just makes me hate myself even more, and she won't stop caressing my thighs. Maybe if she got it through her thick skull that she's the reason I don't want to be here and fixed herself, then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't mind being near her. But no, she always has to be in the right; everyone always has to cater to her wishes, or else they're a bad person.

I love my Mum but I don't really like her.