i'm lame and dead

i feel like nothing in the middle of everything. i feel so dead all the time and harmful thoughts come to me. the harmful thoughts aren't in a dramatic way, but in the way of slowly creeping and gouging out my eyes and plaguing my heart until i am dried up and left to rot. i feel so useless and stupid. like all i do is use this phone. but if i don't use it, i'll be left with my own thoughts.

the guilt is reaching to me. it ran and finally tugged my loose shirt with holes, exposing more of my nakedness until it strips me off to my soul. a pair of eyes is all i imagine. eyes that stare into me with no light, an eye of judgement. an eye of suicide. an eye of pain. an eye of silence. an eye of hatred and neglect. but it will never be like the eye that loves. i know who that eye belongs to, but i cant paint the picture.

my fingers are craving to touch, to grip, and to dig them in something. my eyes want to cry, but i don't want to. and my soul wants to rest and just die already. to leave this decomposing body alone in the darkness of the world so i won't have to bleed everytime i drag it.

death creeps into my mind everytime and im tired of ignoring it. kill me