so things have happened (TW)

okay so hi. i am now single. let me explain.

my girlfriend was mentally ill and had abusive tendencies due to that fact. and no, that's not me calling her an abuser for being mentally ill, she literally had "mentally ill with abusive tendencies" in her discord bio. it's just something she had that even she recognized. that being said, for about 10 months now, i've been trying to justify the abusive stuff she had been doing to me with "oh she's just mentally ill, she's working on it!!!".

in november, she attempted to sexually assault me through coercion. it was only an attempt, but still. it was an attempt. but she wrote me this huge apology along with a plan she had in place with her therapist to get better with boundaries and to change in ways that would never let this happen again. i gave her a chance, and it did, in fact, not happen again! but she still struggled with manipulative tendencies and really didn't end up respecting my boundaries, only tolerating them to avoid making me leave her. this was something that was so painfully obvious that even i ended up noticing it. "even i" because when she DID attempt to do this to me, i literally had to have 2 separate people tell me that the behavior wasn't excusable with "oh it's okay she's mentally ill" before i even THOUGHT about confronting her.

she would do manipulative things to the point of being creepy, and honestly, the fact that she was always so eager to admit to it made it even creepier to me. she left a shirt at my house at one point, so i told her to take it home, and she told me QUOTE "i did that on purpose in case you broke up with me so that i could make you have to see me again." 

yeah. ew. why that didn't send me running for the hills immediately is honestly beyond me.

(and yes, when i did finally break up with her, she actually tried to pull that on me, but i had already made a plan to avoid having to see her which there was no way for her to manipulate her way out of, so that shit was shut down VERY fast.)

her behavior got to a point where i could no longer feel safe alone with her. and that wasn't helped by the fact that she would make a huge deal out of me wanting to stay in the less private parts of my house whenever she was over. i didn't even feel safe alone with her in DISCORD CALLS and would desperately try to get a friend to join when it was just me and her in there. which actually led to people witnessing her behavior, and multiple of my friends telling me that i needed to RUN.

VERY long story short, it's over. a couple of days ago i broke up with her over text, she called me to get me to change my mind, i put my foot down and said no, and that was that. i don't hate her for being mentally ill, i don't think she's an abuser, but she is abusIVE. and that's something that i just can't personally handle being in a relationship with. if you can, more power to you, but i would rather watch a mentally ill person with abusive tendencies grow and change from outside of a romantic relationship with them.

sorry for the heavier blog this month, that's just where my life is at right now. but here's some good news. spring break! yippee!!

i love you all, stay strong, have a good day/night, and i'll see you later <3