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Is it just me or am I the only person who is scared to be happy, especially in relationships (non-romantic as well). In many of the relationships I had whether it was being really close to family members, friends and with romantic interest I've notice when things were great it was always followed by something bad happening. It sucks feeling so happy and someone being able to just take that away from you.
Now when I try to form relationships with anyone, I have a huge guard up. Once things feel great between our dynamic, I get freaked out and self-sabotage. I can't enjoy that bubbly feeling that comes with happiness, my fight or flight response kicks in and boom yeah bye-bye.
No matter how bad I want to get close I just can't and that I hate it. It's sad to say that I'd rather not experience any happiness with someone than to enjoy any happiness at all even if it's short lived.
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twinklelore
This post hit something deep in me, and I just want to say, you’re not alone in feeling this way. What you’re describing is something that so many people go through, often silently. When happiness becomes associated with pain, when joy is followed time and time again by loss or betrayal, our nervous systems begin to treat happiness like a warning sign instead of a safe space. It’s not irrational, it’s a kind of emotional muscle memory, your heart is just trying to protect itself from repeating old wounds. The thing is, self sabotage isn’t about weakness or failure. It’s usually a defense mechanism built from a place of survival. It says, ‘If I leave before it gets bad, then at least I’m in control.’ But the cost of that protection is that it also shuts the door on the very thing you want most, connection, intimacy, and the softness that comes with letting yourself be loved or seen. And I get it... letting your guard down can feel like handing someone the power to hurt you. But what if healing doesn't mean tearing those walls down all at once? What if it means just cracking open the door, bit by bit, when it feels safe enough to do so? You deserve to feel happiness that doesn’t come with consequences. You deserve love that doesn’t turn sour after the sweetness. And I know it’s hard to believe, but not every moment of joy has to be a setup for pain. The brain is trying to predict the past all over again, but the truth is, new people and new experiences can bring new outcomes. Not perfect ones, but healing ones. Safe ones. Ones that stay. Even the fact that you’re aware of this cycle shows incredible emotional insight and strength. That awareness is the first step toward changing the narrative. You don’t have to rush into trust, and you don’t have to open up all at once. Just be kind to yourself in the process. Happiness might still feel scary now, but one day, it won’t. And when that day comes, you’ll look back and see how strong you were for getting through this part too.
Thank you so much for your reply. You put into perspective that I don't have to do it all at once, that's the problem with me. I'll take what you said with me on this road to letting my wall down. <3
by Khamsteezy24; ; Report
💐💐
by twinklelore; ; Report
adya ★
i totally get this. when someone’s been in a low or anxious state for a long time, happiness can actually feel uncomfortable, like stepping out of a weird kind of comfort zone. your nervous system gets so used to being on alert that peace or joy starts to feel unfamiliar, even unsafe. it’s sad how our brains can turn good moments into warning signs, but it’s not your fault. healing takes time and even just being aware of this is a big step
yah it totally sucks :(
by Khamsteezy24; ; Report
Sol♡
I feel the same even if its not in relationship. I pinch myself when I laugh too much so that I can inflict pain and cancle them out lol. Sounds silly but I sometimes get genuinely scared.
And most of my 'great friends' have backstabbed me so that doesn't help.
One day we'll get out of this! gotta hang in there
by Khamsteezy24; ; Report
Yup...
by Sol♡; ; Report