is it me?

over the years i've noticed that i'm really different and I dont mean in like an outwardly cringy/quirky way. I mean in a i think and feel really differently than anyone i've ever met. I like to wear the same thing ever day like I always wear a variation of black clothing, always leggings and a t-shirt. I own 2 pairs of jean pants, one light and one dark which I won't buy new jeans unless the old ones are ripped or don't fit. I don't like having a variety in clothing anymore. I used to dress up a lot during high school but now in uni I just like having the same thing everyday. I also only own 1 pair of jean shorts. I rotate between the same 3 pajama "sets" even though I have more clothing. I've realized that I live my life in a routine. If i do buy clothing then I only really buy duplicates of what I already own. I have like 5-7 pairs of black leggings from aerie in the same exact style. 

I also dont understand dating culture. I don't get how people can meet and date each other within 1-3 months. I've only ever really dated one person but I initiated a friendship first a year prior to them asking me out then in under a year I broke up with them ( for understandable reasons ie. being that they sort of never treated me like their partner this was also when in my final year of high school). During the duration of dating them I never felt sexually attracted to them, did I want physical affection such as holding hands and hugging yes but nothing more. I don't ever really feel like anything more towards anyone. I see sexual acts with another person as disgusting such as kissing etc. I know that what I think and feel is not normal but thats how I feel. I need to feel an emotional and intellectual connection before dating, being friends for at least 1 year prior is also crucial. it's hard to express this with anyone when I get asked about my love life which I don't have one but still. 

Friends aren't my strong suit. I'm very sociable and am capable of having friends but no one seems to actually want to be friends with me. we can talk during class as much as we want but not one text or conversation outside of class. I also have a bad mindset with friends though, the people around me need to be useful to me if not then I have no interest in being friends. of course I don't actually say this to people but i often think it. however this does not affect the way I interact with people. 

All of this to say that people tend to bore me but I don't want to be alone. I just can't seem to find anyone who feels the way I do.