I need to be myself

I want to be myself, i cant describe my inner anger. Why cant i just do. Im screaming at myself: Buy that skateboard if you want to start skating, buy that cool shirt, go into that fandom, go outside and socialize with people who are similar to you. 

But it just doesnt happen, i dont. I constantly nag myself about it, but ...

I dont even think im scared to do those things or be like that because of sociatal bs.

I think my myself is kinda a loser, but i really want to be myself. 

I think the thing kicking me in the balls is social anxiety tho, fear of being judged. But thats like the cause of all of my problems. And then when i get asked about personal problems or in this case eg. what kind of clothes i like im usually not honest or extremely nervous to tell the thruth.

I fucking hate myself and dont think i have any will to change that until i "become myself"  <3