Report Blog Entry
so many reasons lol
my sister was just diagnosed with diabetes and my moms health is deteriorating faster n faster.
the political climate right now has me worried everyday and in doom n gloom
this band i sing for doesnt have alot of time to practice and i can feel the motivation melting but i know i can succeed going solo i just dont even know where to start for doing cover songs.
i feel like im just the hot girl people bring around to make themselves seem cool or smth, i know its not like that but sometimes i feel so lonely and only wanted for lust, attention, clout and what not. no one reaches out to me the way i reach out to them. sending them i miss you and love you messages at 3 am when im sober and in my feels and wanting to show ppl i care about them.
i feel very agitated with work and i am quite unhappy where i work, ive been applying to places but its been hard to get any responses and the places ive been calling to check on the status of my application keep telling "oh next month, next month blah blah blah" and im just burnt out of being one of the few reliable good workers who carries their load and goes above and beyond.
i want to make more youtube videos but some things would be boring to do alone
but i refuse to give up because i want to show myself i can keep going and i want to prove all my haters and doubters wrong and i want do what i love which is making music, making youtube videos.
my cat is moving to arizona in 11 days, 2 days after my birthday and i have conflicting feelings, like i dont want him to go but at the same time neither of us are happy here and he deserves the life he needs to be happy and i cannot supply it all to him. all i can do is make sure he is medicated, well fed, and has water and cuddles and attention.
he drives me a little crazy when he wakes me up on the days i work and he wakes me up every hour so its been hard to get an undisturbed amount of sleep for work. hes meowing at me because he wants out into the rest of the house but theres lots of fleas and tapeworm eggs due to my roommate not medicating his cat and clearing his cat up of fleas & tapeworms so im in constant rotation of also cleaning my room and watching for eggs. im burnt out and i cant believe ive managed to function this highly despite it all, and not crash out.
i also flare up from my cat because i am allergic to pet dander and he often lies on my pillow and i can feel my skin getting raw every night and constantly being red and flaky and itchy. its another reason why i have to let my cat go because i cant afford the treatment to put up with it and its costing my confidence and sanity.
and im tired of having curly ass hair that doesnt stay straight no matter how much i spray it or straighten it but a keratin treatment costs $300 and im barely making enough to cover rent and i cant afford groceries but i just got kicked off of food stamps so im not allowed to get anymore for another year.
i know i sound insufferable. i probably am. definitely. thank you for reading if you read it all and hopefully one day i wont be so, insufferable.
peace out
Comments
Displaying 2 of 2 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
maciel
you did a good decision on letting go of your cat, and about the "hot girl who just brings everyone" situation, i'm sorry for what you feel :(
it really is a paranoid situation as you can't really confirm if it's really that or not. however i do think that you're actually a nice person with tons of layers that i don't know yet, and i hope more people see you in that way.
wishing the best <3
thank you so much for your kind words also. these will all remain in my echo chamber and serve as reminders as i move forward relentlessly. it means alot to me and i hope the best for you as well and thank you thank you thank you for your humanity and taking the time to reply
by R@3; ; Report
💙
by maciel; ; Report
twinklelore
Reading this felt like walking through a storm—raw, unfiltered, and painfully human. And yet, beneath all that chaos, I see someone who still cares deeply, who still tries, who still dreams—and that’s powerful.
You are not insufferable. You're someone who's been carrying more than most ever notice, and somehow, you still have love left to give, even at 3 AM when no one else is listening. That doesn't make you weak or too much—it makes you rare.
It’s okay to feel burnt out, overwhelmed, and even lonely in a room full of people. But I promise, even in moments where you feel invisible or only seen for shallow things, your depth is speaking volumes. And even if the world isn't clapping yet, you're showing up, creating, surviving—that's something to be proud of.
Letting go of your cat for his happiness, holding onto your art despite the noise, still sending “I miss you” texts even when they’re not returned... none of that is small. That’s love. That’s resilience. That’s you being real in a world that often isn’t.
You don’t need to apologize for feeling deeply or for being human. You’re allowed to want more. And I truly believe that one day, whether through your music, your videos, or simply your presence, you're going to be the exact person someone else needed to hear from.
Until then, keep going—not for the world, not for clout—but for the version of you that refuses to quit. They deserve everything.
i was not expecting anyone to read it all, let alone take time to type in such kind words of affirmations. thank you so much. i needed to read that. i needed that reminder. your comment and empathy has brought tears to my eyes that are usually welled up inside, struggling to come out. everything you said has weight and i will carry it with me as i move forward from this. thank you so much
sometimes i just need to hear this from someone else instead of myself. i hope you have a wonderful everything and your words will forever be in my echo chamber
by R@3; ; Report