esperando

Once my mom said people that truly wanted to die stepped in front of the train, it's not that easy when you're feeling the way the ground trembles under your feet and you're able to see how fast and big and scary the train actually is.

I remember this girl in the psych, "sometimes i still want to die", she was in a coma and still survived, i wanted to die last week but didn't get enough pills, i want to disapear, not to live with permanent damage.

Mom says i'ts a feeling you have to learn how to live with, i don't want to live with this feeling, i'm terrified, i need help, i need security, i need more pills so i can feel more calm, i hate this feeling, i hate knowing everybody it's going to leave, i don't want to go trough it, i want to feel safe, i want to be normal.

I want to get better but i need time, if everybody leaves me for being ill, how can i ever be truly cured?

I know there's something up, i'm just being ignored, i feel the cold sweat and i hate the doctor for not giving me the pills last week.