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Some music to read to: Kimi no Corona ni Tsutsumaretai - Pearl Brothers
You know what's a strange feeling?
That feeling you get when someone close or acquainted with you (or just someone you dislike) tries or starts getting into something you personally enjoy. Trying to protect your "identity advantage".
It's like you feel threatened by someone stepping into territory that's defined by your interests, trying to protect those things you hold close. You earned the right to like those things, you put your emotional self into them and made them what they are to you. This person trying to get into it could mess up my whole internal narrative on what this means to me!
I'm sure you've felt that from time to time, and I know I certainly have.
Let’s take a second to sit with that feeling—and remind ourselves of a few important basics. People are allowed to like things; including things you like.
There seems to be a dissonance for some people on what it means when you meet someone who already likes something, and knowing someone who is beginning to like something. Maybe it's that when someone already likes something, and you don’t know them, you can't gauge whether their suffering matches yours—your emotional investment, your story. But with someone you do know, you feel like you can judge whether they’ve ‘earned’ it. Which... isn't really fair, is it? When it comes to someone you know (or more realistically think you know) you feel like you can know weigh on if their reasons are worthy of investing in this thing you love. Unfortunately, you can't stop a person from getting into something if they truly want to. You're just being selfish at that point. If what you enjoy really is "peak," then wouldn't you want more people to also see it?
I had a friend do something like this with me a few times, and they properly expressed their thoughts on the matter in a very direct manner. He had shown me the Danish rock band, Nephew, and we both took a very heavy liking to their music. I thought their stuff was fantastic, so I took to it quickly. It wasn't long until I was looking at CDs and more. Eventually, he got heavily into Neon Genesis Evangelion. When he talked about how fantastical it was, I considered giving it a shot. He explained to me how it felt like I always ended up liking what he shows me more than he did, and it felt like he had nothing to personally attach to. Nothing to call his own or be unique through. Understandably from my end, we had done virtually everything together for years up to that point, so I was just under the assumption that we shared a lot of stuff in common. I never stopped to think about what made him an individual through his interests. Eventually when I was deep into drug abuse and year eight of a severe depression, he finally sat me down and said it was time for me to watch Evangelion. It felt weird after being backed off from it, but I did thoroughly love the anime. A scene that stood out to me during the final episodes of Evangelion — watch here.
The things we personally identify and present ourselves with can a lot of the time feel very sole. People can identify us by what we plaster our images with, like stickers on a blank canvas that is our self or personality. For a bit, that really felt like the meaning to why people would hoard media or gate keep communities. When someone else gets into that item through us, metaphorically the other person comes up and peels that sticker off of you, making it all creased and damaged, then slips it onto their canvas. It's no longer yours.
This is all false. Some people need to be reminded about that. Finding something first doesn't mean you emotionally own it. If that was the case, you peeled that sticker off of someone else you possibly didn't even know, or maybe you did. Picking it up through a review from a website or YouTube creator. What did happen is you found and participated with it at the right place and time in your life for it to make such a grand impact.
When someone gets into something you enjoy, they're probably talking to you about it. Take it more like them trying to be closer with you. They want to build a connection, and have a new foundation on which your conversations and mutual interests can stand. You never know, it could have just as big of an impact on them which doesn't diminish your time with it whatsoever. Both of you will now have a way to explain to others how fantastic this thing is.
"But what if they don't like it, or they enjoy it wrong?" You might ask.
If they don't like it, they don't like it. I like a lot of things people dislike, and people dislike many things I do. The same goes for you and everyone else. You're not supposed to like everything. Someone disliking a thing you like doesn't diminish it whatsoever, but maybe a conversation on why could help insight you into other views of that media, as all of our experiences are individual. That scene you thought was so deep and emotional? It made your friend laugh so hard because they thought it was overdone and cheesy. I know I'd get upset if someone said something about that at a show I was deeply emotionally invested in, because it's like an attack at you and the things you can soften up around. They're basically mocking you! -- No, no they're not.
Here's an example; I think FLCL was dogsh*t. The music was good, but I didn't even pay attention to it and found The Pillows years after trying to watch the show so it didn't actually introduce me to them. The animation had some cool effects, but the story was boring and meant nothing to me. I watched a few episodes and dropped it because of how unenjoyable I thought it was. I also didn't enjoy Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, only giving it about three or so tries just because the Evangelion friend liked it so much. I just don't get it, and it didn't connect with me at all. I also think Akira wasn't a good movie, and is just held up by good background art and a few minutes in the opening that people thought were flashy and cool.
There are a lot of people who would think what I said was sacrilege and burst open with my uninterested opinions on this cult classic media selection. People tie these things into who they are. So when I say I didn’t like Akira or FLCL, it can feel like I’m attacking them. But I’m not—I’m just expressing my experience. We can have conversations on why they think I got the wrong impressions and whatnot, but it all comes down to it not connecting with me.
As for enjoying things wrong... That's a tough one for me. I do genuinely think some people can enjoy things wrong. I love and have played Team Fortress 2 for nearly twenty years, and when I see how majority of the fanbase interacts with it these days I just don't get it. That isn't right to me, that isn't what the game was made for, it has been flanderized beyond recognition. We can all make connections as to what it means to enjoy something 'wrong', but in reality it is the same as different experiences. That's just time and social culture moving forward and leaving us and the ways we're set in behind.
In the end, new people picking up these things is what keeps it moving. Keeps it alive. When people get into something through you directly by recommendation, or just by trying to understand and connect with you, that's a second sunrise on your love for that thing. It continues, and your reasons for it might be what influence their love too. The fear that others won't understand or enjoy it like you do is just you being a bit full of yourself, because they won't. No one will understand it like you. You're right in this thing being all about you, but it also isn't. Only your experience with it is. The creator of such thing might not even like how you take in their work.
As an example of that, let us look at John Lennon of The Beatles and his interaction with Curt Claudio, a man who came to his house with a lot of feelings about Lennon's songs and how personal they felt to him.
"It’s just a record. It might mean more to me or you than somebody else. It’s still just songs. It’s poetry." Lennon says.
Yoko Ono continues with "Many people get the same impression. They think, ‘Oh, that’s me.’"
Just some food for thought on artists and creators on how they might and can feel about how people like even yourself might take in their work on a much more open and honest level.
Don't get defensive when someone wants to join you on something and welcome them into it. Show them exactly why you love it, and if they experience it differently or make connections in their own life that you don't understand, let it be. Learn from them, if possible, and find more reasons to love that thing. Or quite simply as you were taught as a child and might need reminded of; Sharing Is Caring.
What we love doesn’t define us alone—but how we share it just might.
This is a little piece for me to talk at myself. When running a club and throwing all kinds of things around, people get interested. You almost want to keep some things for yourself, but you know you can't. It can get scary, seeing some thing you just talk about but don't show pick up the interest of others. You want to hold on like, "Hey, I showed you that! At least credit me!" or something such as that. You, or in this case, I, don't own or control that. If I didn't want the world to explore these things, I wouldn't bring them up. Obviously this is very otaku-coded too, but I'm sure you've figured it applies to about anything. Please share your love with your friends by sharing the things you love with your friends. Let them understand you deeper and see a bit into you and how you experience media.
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