Minecraft Movie Review !! (SPOILERS !!!!!)

6/10

if this wasn't minecraft themed, this would be a million times worse than it already is. 

in my cinema, we actually applauded at 5 separate bits in the film, most of which were the jack black meme phrases from the trailers. his entire character was so iconic that he got 3 musical scenes; jack black was absolutely in his element, i was surprised kyle gass didn't show up at the end. his and jason momoa's character relationship was so homoerotic they actually 69'd in midair (i'm not fucking joking this actually happens in a KID'S FILM). also steve's line of "i'll guide you with my hips" was so unnecessarily sensual it was so fucking funny, ESPECIALLY considering he's riding jason momoa's back at this point. i was so ready for them to passionately kiss the whole film but it never happened.

the costumes were an insult to fabric they were so unbelievably ugly but that was to be expected from the trailers. i thought tassels would work on momoa but i was so wrong. at least jennier coolage's outfit suited her, but she's perfect and can do no wrong i fear. 

speaking of her, her entire side-plot with the nitwit villager was brilliant. my friend who i went with to go and see it said her plotline was inadvertently the beginning of We Live In Time and now i can't unsee it. the reveal that matt berry was the villager is what really threw it all together for me, especially since i've met him, so to see (or rather hear) him in this kind of role was hilarious. 

 sebastian hansen played the part of the  "erm, actually" kid so well he even had the lisp for it. i'm sorry but his acting was so bad, but it was really funny when someone in the cinema screamed as he fell off the top of the giant nether portal.

the only thing i think could've improved it were if either steve or garrett said "aw man..." when they entered steve's creeper farm, that would've been an elite reference, alongside the beautiful technoblade tribute and the inclusion of minecraft youtube's most unproblematic youtubers.