horror fan with a weak heart ୨ৎ

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⠀ `· . ୨୧⠀  (i'm sick with covid this week so excuse me if my writing has errors)

for a long time i've had this fascination with any media falling into the horror genre. whether it be movies, video games, novels, tv shows, etc. i have always been interested to consume, but too much of a scaredy cat to actually dive in.

the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about horror is the question of "why do people enjoy this kind of stuff?" it blows my mind. why would someone subject themselves to this level of torment? why does the thrill of being afraid fill one with excitement? is it truly worth it? i don't think i'll personally be able to reach that, nor do i think i'll ever aspire to it. and that's okay.

i remember being subjected to watching the first 3 saw films in high school. truly a traumatizing experience. i know many people claim they appreciate the plot. personally i find it flawed, but i guess that's the point? to me, it seems lame that someone would want to play judge jury and executioner in such a grotesque way. but hey, to each their own. i don't think i would ever want to enjoy that amount of intentional gore. 

when i think of the kinds of horror i want to get into, i think of psychological horror. i don't mind some gore here and there. some video games i've been dying to play are silent hill, fatal frame, parasite eve, clock tower, and resident evil. i've found that horror video games are probably the worst ways that i personally can consume horror media, mainly because as the player, you are in the shoes of the characters experiencing all the trauma, bloodshed, spooks, and dangers thrown at you at any given second. recently i had the pleasure/displeasure of playing newer horror games like fear & hunger and mouthwashing. i found both games to be insanely fun but heart attack inducing. i definitely am coming closer to understanding the thrill, but after each experience i'm left with such mixed emotions. it's definitely one of the stranger combinations of emotions i'll ever feel in my lifetime. 

i think it'd be better if i ease myself into this by consuming more novels and movies first. that way i can live vicariously through the characters as opposed to being the character in a video game. 

a couple recent watches i did enjoy were smile 2 and the substance. definitely enjoyed the substance so i saw it twice in theaters hehe.

one more thing i will say is that i think that jumpscares are the cheapest way to scare someone. i don't enjoy them in the slightest. if i wanted to be scared, i want to be chilled to the fucking bone. jumpscares provide a snap second of heightened emotions that are obviously fleeting. boring!!

lmk if you have any recommendations! or what are flat out your favorite pieces of horror media. thanks for reading       ♡ ̆̈૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა