Sobriety struggles

Getting sober was the easy part. Sitting with myself after seeing myself for what I am or was is the hard part. 

I think of horrible and selfish things I’ve done and how I hurt people I loved and can only think of myself as a beast. It’s brutal to have to sit with it with no where to turn  

I reached out to him to tell him I was sorry for how things ended years ago. I explained what happened and how I’m glad he didn’t have to put up with my bullshit back then. I told him I regretted it all and how he deserved better. He seemed to only be disgusted by me and I don’t blame him. I have to sit with it. 

Tears streaming down my face and desperate to change the past, I have to sit with this. Nothing to numb it. 

I have to sit with it.