Day 2

Good evening!

Today I had dnd! My friend Jamie runs the Sunday campaign- “forests next exit”. My character, John Smith, visited his home village and found his old lover being tortured in a conversion camp. Also, John Smith met with his dad and his dad called him a fag :0 very emotional. 

Before the dnd session, Chloe (Jamie’s girlfriend) curled my long hair! It was  brvery cool because I’ve never seen my hair curly before!!

When I got home I made edible cookie dough which I’m eating right now. It’s quite a rich flavour but I like it. :)

Tommorow I’m going to bring the cookie dough to Chloe’s house for her and my other friend to try - we’re all meeting up because she wants a chance to wear her pretty new dress. She wants me and the other to dress up fancy too. I have a new tie I’m considering wearing - it’s pink but blue at certain angle if that makes sense (it’s colour shifting) and it has a blue paisley pattern printed on it. My only issue is that I don’t have any clothes that really match it. I could wear my school shirt and blue corduroy trousers but I think my school shirt is kinda poor quality because it’s just the standard uniform everyone gets. Maybe I’ll face time my friends and let them help me decide. 

I still havent found my phone btw :/ wish me luck!

My mental health isn’t getting better. I get my autism diagnosis recently (12/03/25) and my therapist believed that would kind of fix everything but honestly it hasn’t fixed really anything. I still struggle with all the things I did before - now I just have a name for some of my symptoms. Everytime I’m left alone I can’t help but think about how I could kill myself. I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can remember: when I was younger it manifested more as giving up on things easily or quitting games because I saw no reason to keep going in any way. I have another meeting with her on April 16th (16/04/25), I doubt I’ll have the courage to tell her any of this. If I mention being suicidal she has to bring my parents into the room and I can’t cope with that. I feel so guilty for ruining their lives with my misery. 

Anyways, hopefully I find my phone soon and I’ll enjoy tommorow at Chloe’s!