music addiction, taking a break from it and slowly learning to love it again

Wow, I haven't made a blog in a LONG time, but I felt like I never see people talk about this, so here I am.

Let's start with the catalyst: I had a music addiction. I never really listened to it in public; however, I would have it on 24/7, 365 party girl type shit. Like I needed some sort of stimulus in my mind no matter what. This would also contribute to me doing maladaptive daydreaming sometimes, which made me not productive at all.

So this then leads to a few days after my birthday to be like, "Damn, I need some fucking intervention," and I stopped using Spotify or listening to music since March 16th. And let me tell you, it was a change to actually sit and confront my thoughts, and I wasn't even motivated for a long while. Why is this? Well, it's called fucking up your dopamine receptors, of course! 

That's right, baby. Music, like a lot of other addictions, does shit to your dopamine receptors. And once you are addicted, you only do it so you can feel "normal" again. Duh, that's how all addictions basically work. And I faced the consequences of going cold turkey by being exhausted for a long while, with no motivation to create anything. And for someone whose main hobby IS being creative, that fucks you up. It really does.

One thing that did help me through this was my IRL friend who also doesn't listen to music, so shout out to him, literally the GOAT who I could talk to about this.

And after a while of getting used to it, though, I felt normal again, and not like "normal," I mean actually decent. Like, I had more free time to do what I wanted and even do more creative things (one I'm actively working on right now is sort of a passion project) and learn about tailoring.

But we cut to now. Today, I decided, after like what, a good three-ish weeks, I decided to listen to some Beatles songs, and I felt okay. Like some of the songs that I haven't listened to in months or maybe a year made me happy, but I was just sort of neutral.

Then I realized that, shit, I had basically no desire to listen to any of my favorite bands, and if a song did pop up, I just wouldn't think about it at all. especially with System of a Down, because before this, I LOVED everything that they did and Daron made. But now? Now, sure, I might've gotten reminded of a project I've wanted to make with the song, but besides that, no desire beyond that. Like I was numb.

Well, except for one band.

Turns out, I really like pulp, like a lot. Like, that shit sort of blew my mind away; it was like I forgot their music was ACTUALLY great. Mostly it was from the 1998 album 'THIS IS HARDCORE,' but either way it reminded me how good music can be. The creativity, the joy behind it all—God, I want to delve back in more at some point.