I think I'll die next year, not even joking (tw)

Last year, I was in the second year of my intermediate-level vocational training, and I was so stressed that I constantly felt like crying. But I couldn’t let myself cry because I had to keep studying. The only way I found to stop crying and stay focused was by harming myself.

Eventually, I became kind of “addicted” to self-harm. It got to the point where my mom had to hide the blades, and I got so angry at her, I even yelled at her, saying I was going to fail my exams because of her (spoiler: I actually passed the exams).

I also had a lot of thoughts about ending my life. I never tried anything, but the thoughts were there.

This year, I’m in the first year of my higher-level vocational training, and I’m already really stressed, even though this is supposed to be the “easy” year.

Next year, I’ll be in the second year, which includes doing a big project that I’ll have to present to a jury. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to handle the pressure.

I'm trying to not think to much about it...