Finally able to get meds + updates

I was at the doctor's the other day to see if I actually needed to be prescribed anti-depressants and as I suspected I did. I haven't taken them yet since I want to wait a week or so until easter break so that if I get any of the side effects (super low dose so probably not) I can deal with them in private instead of in school since they're more apparent in the first few weeks. 

Anyways I'll try to post updates here so that I can track how I'm feeling but also if anyone is thinking of trying an anti-depressant they might want to know how it MIGHT feel (it varies ofc but still)

Edit 11 april 2025: Yesterday was the first day. Nothing super remarkable except for a calmer mind and less feelings of detachment, I believe that half of that is placebo tho since it's proper effect will be seen in a few weeks. Overall I feel okay and maybe living isn't so hard.

Edit 22 april 2025: I've been on my increased dose for about 6 days now and so far I've not noticed a huge difference. Although I might have gotten a tiny bit sweatier as a side effect but nothing too major and it should pass in a few weeks anyway. Overall I feel really good, even though I'm a bit stressed from school I'm probably calmer than I've ever been. I barely had any intrusive thoughts I think (used to get them every day, and extra worse at night). This and therapy might actually help me get myself back, whoever that person is now.

Edit 2 may 2025: About the same as my last edit, a bit dry mouth as a side effect but I've been drinking loads of water so not too bad. I feel a little more motivated and maybe slightly less brain fog?? Not really sure though but I'm actually able to sit down and do a little bit of schoolwork now so that's been nice.

Edit 3: 10 may 2025: Upped my dose a little more yesterday, so far I feel pretty good but a bit annoyed by my sweaty hands but it passed relatively fast last time so I should be okay

Edit 4: 28 may 2025: Caffeine doesn't work as well anymore :/

Edit: 5: 6 august 2025: Decided to up my dose again, will update in a few weeks.

Edit 6: 13 august 2025: Decided to lower my dose yesterday since I was basically unable to sleep and that hasn't happened before. I at the very least don't want to make my insomnia even worse than it is since I'll definitely lose my shit that way. Should've stuck to doctor's orders instead of going rouge, now I know better. Rather feel a little depressed/anxious than being up all night for no reason.

Edit 7: 9 november 2025: Meds have barely been working lately so decided to up my dose again yesterday, I really hope that it goes well this time.

Edit 8: 30 november 2025: It's going pretty well! Apart from weird sleeping habits and having a dry mouth I feel pretty good considering the fact that I usually feel like absolute dog sh!t the darker outside it gets. I even managed to complete 2 out of 3 tasks that I set for myself today!

Edit 9: 10 february 2026: Haven't been super active on here because life stuff so this is more of a recap. Around the beginning of december I had a bit of a hypomania episode as a side effect but luckily(?) after crashing really hard because of something that triggered me I evened out. The dry mouth lingers still a bit but I just do my best to avoid caffeine and I try to always have gum or something on me. Overall it's been mostly acting like a painkiller for my depression, like I don't feel amazing but not horrible either, mostly just okay which for this time of year is awesome! I still wish that spring would come faster tho. Still I enjoy this version of myself, who would have thought not hating yourself to hell and back would make you more confident lol

Edit 10: 11 march 2026: Lowered my dose 17th february because I noticed I felt more numb than usual and that I felt a little better when I haven't taken it in the morning like I usually try to do. It's been going well so far.