does it help? like... i can never tell [TW: sh]

every single time i cut myself or give myself a nosebleed i can never tell if it helps me cope with anything.

the cuts are a pretty new phenomenon for me, the nosebleeds are my favorite one and the oldest because i just love how blood and metallicness tastes

i can't taste it the same with cuts. i prefer it way less, atleast there's taste to it.

the nosebleeds started around may of last year, surprisingly when i first started watching Danganronpa. isn't that crazy? haha, i guess it's not even related but i find that funny

the cuts started on mid February. they made me feel weird, I've always been triggered by people's ocs having sh scars or just things about sh but I've never done it before 

i thought about all of this after i was playing basketball wirh my arms open (i opened them because i would sweat and i convinced myself to do that by remembering gerard way singing "I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scars"), i never thought someone in my country would genuinely recognize self harm scars because we have a lot of cats (that teens abuse. what the fuck.) and kids carry around knives all the time so idk.

but a guy looking like wade from kick buttowski (MY GOAT BTW) a.K.a just a chill guy with stoner vibes recognized my sh arms and kinda said something about it but it's got me thinking; how does this do anything? 

it's not like i know what's making me so sad currently other than the stress from school because i don't get bullied as much ig and I'm a bit more fine. every time i feel a bit more fine, it's the most depressed i am. i guess i am very useless and practically disabled from my stupid brain having it's weird mental bullshit and I'm a burden to everyone around me

i really just need support and reevaluation right now... i guess