a wannabe coverist complains about having no self confidence

Entry 5: man self-confidence does not come easily to me

Date: April 1st, 2025

hello, and welcome back to the dramatic girl show, with your host, cinnamorolls; the most dramatic person on the planet.

ive briefly mentioned this before in my about page, but i like to sing. ive always loved singing since i was a kid, and have always dreamed of being a singer performing on stage. within the past 2 years, ive slowly but surely began working on making a part of this lifelong dream come true. ive been studying how to sing, have been learning how to mix digitally, and have also been slowly starting to learn instruments such as guitar and violin. last year i joined my friend group, which is mostly filled with other fellow singers like me, and since then, ive been slowly putting myself out there. i started doing a few collaborations with my friends, and then slowly but surely began doing collaborations with different coverists throughout all of youtube. i even opened my own personal youtube account last november and began to post my own solo covers. it only lasted a few months though, because i dont have the correct equipment to make my covers sound very good yet, so i got insecure and decided to hold off on that solo channel until i actually have a good microphone and mixing software. speaking of being insecure...thats what today's blog post is about.

today, along with 3 other friends, i joined a collab battle. it was a mini competition where coverist teams could compete to see who made the best cover. this months theme was april fools, meaning we could be as goofy as we desired. my friends are amazing at being goofy, so we knew this was the perfect time to join. we ended up deciding to rewrite a kpop song to be a blender ad. in my opinion, we did great. it was very funny, and i was very confident in us. that was until, the watch party happened.

video after video, entry after entry, i kept finding myself comparing myself to everybody i saw on my screen. from their vocals to their video mixes, i couldn't help but compare myself to everything i saw. as the video editor for my teams' entry, i spent an entire day making it to the best of my ability, staying up until 3am just to make sure it was perfect. i was so proud. however now, looking at what everybody else has created...i feel less than. like my video was just a joke compared to everyone else's. i dont feel like i have the skills to be up against these people. that includes vocals too. they all sounded so incredible it gave me visible goosebumps. i dont fit in with these people at all, really. my voice is so mediocre compared to everyone. thats all i could think about as i went through every team entry. 

honestly...this is something I've been dealing with ever since i started covering. nothing i do seems good enough once i see the people im around. there have been so many times where i just want to shut down my account for good, and just stop. obviously, because i enjoy what i do, i stop myself from taking that drastic of a measure, but the fact that i think about it often does hurt.  i hope, now that I'm beginning to take singing more seriously, my confidence will grow as my knowledge grows. but for now, i just feel so mediocre. this truly is a tough community to be a part of.

as always, im never sure how to end this. i hope whoever is reading this realizes that its very important to love what you do and not spend all your time comparing yourself to the people around you. as long as you feel happy about what you do, then that's all that matters. confidence is important, but don't let the people around you tear you down. 

and with that, cinnamorolls is out~