I found some poems I wrote for a girl who couldn't love me back

What no one cared for

I wish we could be like the others, and you didn't think loving girls was wrong. I wish you didn't think that you only love me because theres something "wrong with you". I wish we could be happy together without anything going wrong, without arguing or feeling like theres no trust. I wish you could love me the way I need it and I wish to give you the life that you deserve. I wish I could take back all the wrong that happened and make things right. I wish I could have said the things that Tyler said that makes you so happy. I wish I could make you feel that feeling again from when we first met. I wish I could be all that you need and i wish to undo all the pain that had set in you. I wish you'd never met Tyler so you didn't have to go through the hurt of having to lose her because she couldn't keep her word. And thats kinda funny, because sometimes you wish that you never met me so that we never got together and you never hurt me in the first place. I wish i could be able to let go easily and do what you want me to. I wish i didn't hurt you to the point where you needed Tyler to make you better

I'm sorry fr this time

I'm sorry 

Im so sorry

My head is filled with apologies

Some are empty

Some are full

Some I wish were something they weren't

Sometimes I can't tell

And sometimes I dont want to know

I dont know what else to say except I'm sorry

So I keep saying it

Because maybe you could understand 

If I said it enough

Please forgive me

I sit here and write poems 

So i can see the words

Not just feel them

Bouncing around in my head

The only thing I can catch is "I'm sorry"

Over and over

and over again

And you

I'm sorry for not loving you anymore

Because I have no idea who you've become

You've molded to the shape of another being

And you

Oh God

You 

I'm sorry for fucking up your life

I'm sorry for loving you when I should have stopped a long time ago

I'm sorry for bringing it up

And throwing it into your face

When your just trying to live your life

I'm sorry you hurt

I'm sorry you're the thing that hurts me

I'm sorry you'll never understand

I'm sorry I get mad at you

I'm sorry I get scared of being lonely

So the first thing I think of is you

Im sorry none of these things are really my fault

But im still

Fucking

Apologizing

But I'm still sorry

For messing up your life

For meddling in things I shouldn't 

I'm sorry for existing

I'm sorry for everything I do

I'm sorry you ever met me

I'm sorry I ever met you

I'm sorry you have to put up with me

Sorry

I'm not trying to be dramatic

I'm sorry I'm so sorry

For everything

I don't know what else to do

I don't know what else to say 

I don't know how to make it better

I don't know

Because I could say it 

In a million different laguages

Or sing it 

In a million different voices

Or hear it

On a loop for lifetimes

But they would all mean

The exact same thing

All I seem to be able to do is mess things up

And make life more complicated 

I never wanted to end up this way

I never thought I would end up this way

You have to believe me

But if I know myself 

I am going to keep apologizing 

And saying "I'm sorry"

Until the day I die 

Because I am

Truely

Sorry

For everything 

And I'm especially sorry if I've made you sick of hearing those words

But I mean it

Unfinished

The shredding of my insides hurt over and over, my organs extracted one by one. You destroyed me from the insdie out, ate my lungs, my liver, my spine and my heart. The blood spread across your face as you look into my eyes and say you love me. But once im gone theres nothing that remains except the taste in your mouth and profound love I still hold. Even after everything I still loved you, I held your hands as you finished demolishing the rest. It felt good once it was over, but my body was left hollow, nothing to float in the voidness of my being. 

Nothing but the realization I had after the adrenaline kicked out. That maybe I shouldn't have let you gaze into my eyes in the first place.