losing part of your childhood is weird, me thinks

Entry 4: i feel weird.

Date: March 31st, 2025

i went out to see a movie on friday (specifically the zerobaseone movie yass) and i found out they closed down my local chuck e cheeses. it made me feel weird. 

i'm not the first to admit this i'm sure, but my town has gone very downhill over the last 5 or so years. our mall has most of its stores slowly but surely going out of business, all the big restaurants are closing, the cities are trashed...its a really crappy town. but one thing that brought me comfort was that some of my favorite childhood places still existed. even if i never walked inside the establishments, at least whenever i passed by them on a late night drive, i'd know its still there for me to come back to at any time. seeing this chuck e cheese get closed down made me realize that most of my childhood was starting to slowly slip away from me. the places i once loved as a kid are now abandoned buildings nobody can enter, filled with debris and broken down machines. it...it hurts.

my history with this chuck e cheese is kinda funny to me. when i was a kid, like i'm talking 3-4, i used to love going there every chance i got. if a friend had a birthday party there, trust me i'd beg my mom to let me go. i loved playing in the playground and running around with my friends. however as i aged a bit, around 5-6, i developed this weird fear of the mascot mouse. not the animatronic mouse, no. just the mascot. i got so scared every time that little countdown would appear on the big tvs scattered around the play area. i'd always run to the table my family was sitting at and wouldn't move until he was gone. once, i got so scared my mom asked the worker in the suit to take off the head so i could realize it was just a person underneath. that apparently traumatized a few kids, so sorry guys. 

another time, i even forced my dad to take me outside, on the hottest day of the summer no less, so i wouldn't have to see the mouse. of course, after 10 minutes he made us go inside, but at least he let me sit at the farthest table there was so i wouldn't have to see him. later that same day though, something crazy happened. 

i was hanging with some friends i had made from the birthday party i was attending. we were all at the top of the indoor playground, staring down at the crowd below us, as the countdown appeared on the big screen, signaling that chuck e cheese was coming out in 5 minutes. we had a little group discussion on whether or not we should interrupt our play time to go see him and get some free tickets. i was terrified, but as i was a follower and wanted to fit in with my new friends, i told them i was okay with whatever. slowly, one by one, we all slid down the slide and waited patiently for mr charles entertainment cheese to come out so we could follow him. i was the last one to slide down. once i came down, he was already out. i shrugged my shoulders and ran with my friends to follow him and get some free tickets. as we got to the big area next to the stage, we danced the cupid shuffle alongside the big guy himself. afterwards, he threw tickets in the air and we all scattered like birds towards bird seeds. i was practically right next to the same thing i was terrified of mere hours earlier. i wasnt scared anymore, i actually had some fun. i grabbed my tickets and ran to my parents, big smile on my face, telling them about how i conquered my fear. i was so proud. 

oddly enough, it was on that day that i finally believed that i could get over any fear i had. this particular memory comforted me a lot recently, as i had a big fear i needed to get over in order to continue living my life. thinking back to that day made me realize that if i could get over my worst childhood fear, then anything was possible. and i was right. i managed to get over my anxiety (not entirely of course, just the thing that was keeping me from living) and now i'm able to live happily again.

as i drove past the now abandon building, these memories flashed back into my head. suddenly i remembered every time i stepped foot into that restaurant. the time i had my 10th birthday party there and nobody from my school showed up. the time my brother had his birthday party there and i watched him as he covered his ears the whole time, clearly overstimulated. the time i went on a random summer night with my family in 2017 and we were the last family to leave the building. the time i left my charger there and had to knock on the locked doors to tell the poor worker that i had lost something important to me. the time i was in my one direction phase and got full body shivers watching the puppets on screen sing along to what makes you beautiful. it all came back to me. i realized those memories were now past memories, and could no longer be my present. it was a weird feeling.

i always thought i'd get one more chance to go back to the place i spent the most time in my childhood at. but now i realize i will never be able to return again. it was the only location i ever went to as a kid, so even if i went somewhere else, it wouldn't hit the same. its such a bitter feeling. i'm happy i have these memories to hold on to, but it also hurts to know i can no longer make any more, and must leave them in the past forever.

if you read through this all, thanks for listening to my midnight rambles. i truly hope the childhood memories you hold on to will last you forever, and will remain happy times to look back on.

and with that, cinnamorolls out~