My Life is Shit

I dont workout, I dont eat right. All I really do is smoke, and lay around. I feel weak 24/7, and my lungs r shit. I know its bc of the way I live, but I dont have the motivation to care about myself enough to change anything. The only reason Im still here is bc I dont want to put my family through that pain, and if Im being completely honest, Im scared of whatever comes after this. I just wish I could go back in time, and do everything right in life. Or at least just get to experience my childhood again. I know it was shit, but I was too young and innocent to care. And I miss that. I miss when I didnt have to worry about anything. I miss when life was just about worrying if they would have my favorite food for lunch at school, or if that cute boy in class would look at me. I miss when me and my siblings would play and laugh on the trampoline for hours. When my dad would braid my hair, and call me his “Minnie me”. When my Mom had enough money to not worry about dinner tomorrow. I miss when my older sisters lived right down the hall. I even miss sharing that tiny ass room with my little sister. I miss when my little brother was tiny enough for me to pick up and spin around. I just miss being me man. And I dont think Ive been me for a while now.