Thoughts on silver linings

I taught myself at a very young age to always try and see the good side of things, no matter how dire the situation. It has always worked wonders for me, and I believe being positive as you go on about life is one of the keys to pushing through. You could consider me an optimist.

The problem with me is, I also have severe anxiety. I've been on medication since I was 15, and although it's extremely helpful, I don't believe I'll ever be 100% free of this crap. And that's exactly my point with this entry. I think the fact that believing in silver linings and having crippling anxiety can coexist in the same body and mind absolutely hilarious. 

I view anxiety as a fear of future occurrences and outcomes to every single situation in life, as well as a despicable self-awareness and insecurity about literally everything about one's self. It's what I have to deal with everyday, but there's also this small part of me that still wants to be optimistic about these aspects of who I am. Thoughts such as "I absolutely cannot do this, I don't have the skills to" are often followed by "I am very very talented and even if I mess up, I can always try again". That would be the preferred outcome to my life's crossroads, clearly, if I could only believe what the second thoughts say. 

So the thing is, I can and will always find a silver lining, a good thing and an optimistic point of view in ANY situation, but I will never believe that it applies to me. I will always believe in them if I'm thinking of somebody else, and truly think it will all work out. But otherwise, silver linings don't really like me very much.

I wonder if anyone else finds it curious, or feels the same. It's funny to me to think that I may be very hypocritical with my own positivity.