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i'm aware some of these thoughts might be considered toxic but i want to improve as a friend so that's why i'm posting about it
i have a friend, a best friend, we've been this close for 7 years and i appreciate him a lot. an awful lot. the thing is, i feel like, sometimes, i'm obsessed, and i hate it. i don't mean it in a "stalking him 24/7" or "thinking about him every second" way (although, at some point in my life, i wanted to see everything he did in his routine, but i never got to the point of doing that), i mean in a way that i can't stand the fact that there are other people in his life. i mean, i don't care that he has friends, but i hate it when they get some relevance in his life and i hate seeing that, sometimes, he's laughing, but not because me, and that pisses me off to the point where i would wish he was sad if that meant no other people would make him happy.
when he's sad and i'm not enough to comfort him so he goes to talk to other people (which happened yesterday) my first instinct is wanting that person to disappear. and, more than that, i would wish he stayed sad if that meant he wouldnt find comfort in someone other than me. having that in mind, you could guess the state i was when he started dating.
i hate when he hides things from me, when he lies, worst of all: not telling me something but telling some other person that something. that would be enough to never talk to him or to that person ever again. (i have this problem where when someone, close or not, does something that i don't like or makes me feel threatened i need to make them feel bad or just push them away, and i know i need to change it but, most of the time, i can't help it, but im trying to).
i hate when i'm not enough for him, when he buys more gifts for someone other than me, when he spends time with other people. i hate it. and i dont know what it is and, sometimes, i wonder if im a good friend for him, because i keep having these selfish thoughts and i'm afraid he'd be better off without me. is there any way i can stop thinking this?
what do i do 😭 god
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nikolaos
I'm also like this , I don't have much help to offer as I myself don't know how to fix it but just know your not alone and there's a lot of others like you, it doesn't mean your a bad person , you seem very sweet and considerate of how you might be affecting your friend ,, and a bad friend wouldn't do that ^_^! you might just be scared of losing him to other people , I hope your doing okay!
thank you! ill try my best, we'll both get over it :) take care!
by mike; ; Report
you aswell!
by nikolaos; ; Report
Felicity
I’d prolly try focusing on yourself and your relationship with him. If it helps, I would try telling him what you’ve been feeling or reaching out to another friend who might give better advice than the internet
thank you! ill do my best
by mike; ; Report
Np :)
by Felicity; ; Report
TinyRogue1
Why do you think you have this obsession? Maybe consider why you feel so close with him? I think your current mindset is harmful, but you have to find the base reason as to why you think this way!
i supose it's because he's my best friend, i've never felt this close to anyone. maybe i'm scared to lose him or something, i suck at understanding my own feelings
by mike; ; Report
Lucian⭑.ᐟ
there's this thing called therapy
by mike; ; Report