Dysphoria Vent ><

TW// Transphobia, Christianity

I recently moved in with my grandparents and my great-grandma. It's a long story, but basically I just need 2 get back on my feet and get my life going, and they offered to take me in for a few months.

the only problem I've been having is that my grandpa and my great-grandma are really bad at using my name and pronouns, especially my great-grandma. I'd be a little more understanding if I'd just come out, but i first told my family around seven years ago and I even started testosterone a few months ago.

In the past they'd occasionally slip up but still make a pretty consistent effort. Now it seems like they're actively misgendering me on purpose, especially my great-grandma because she's a hardcore Christian. Like, my great-grandpa was a pastor for the Pentecostal church, that kind of Christian. They never do anything else to make me upset and they make it very clear they love me, but they still refuse to respect me after all this time.

I'm fortunate to be able to start physically transitioning which has helped with my physical dysphoria a lot, but I still feel a LOT of intense social dysphoria. A little part of me dies inside whenever they call me "girl" or use my deadname, and I freeze up any time they say it. It makes me so uncomfortable but I'm too afraid to correct them because they just wont listen. At least my grandma tries to defend me, and just about everyone else on my Mom's side is really supportive, but it's still really painful since I have to live with them. I'd move in with my Mom, but I don't have a job yet since I just moved back to my hometown and she doesn't have the means to support me. I know its not forever and I'll hopefully have my own apartment soon, but it still really sucks :(( I love my grandpa and my great-grandma, but they really make me feel terrible about myself and super dysphoric.

this is mostly just a vent, but any advice or comments are appreciated <33