Report Blog Entry
Maybe the psych student shouldn't be blogging about this but whatever. I've never failed an exam at uni before and if I've failed coursework it's because it was either a) statistics or b) because I didn't do it. But since my exchange to a way higher tier uni I've been failing and now I feel like shit. I failed my first ever exam back in October and have just been failing since. It's an endless cycle of resits and I feel so demotivated.
I have an exam tomorrow. Since my last exam (last Wednesday) I've sat down in silence and tried to focus but couldn't. I can't book a seat at the library and I've been able to study at home before but, fuck, I just couldn't focus. I'd focus on shit in the background, I'd get up and start walking around the halls, I'd eat something, and I don't know if it's because I'm just lazy or if I have ADHD or depression or some shit. Last night I slept from 20:00 to midnight and I just stayed up listening to the American Psycho audiobook until 6:00. I woke up at 12:00 and could not get out of bed. I just stared at my phone.
I don't even scroll like... watching whole videos in my feed, I just scroll incredibly fast and don't give a shit what's playing. When I see shit about ADHD though it's always vague traits that align with my behaviour. I don't feel like I'm sad enough to say I have depression, especially because I've always felt this way. I haven't had a good self-esteem since I was 13. It's all my fault though because I don't eat right and don't work out. Fuck. I just hate myself for being so fucking lazy.
Aside from my own issues I just don't feel confident in my education either. Jumping from a uni ranked somewhere in the 900s globally to one ranked in the 100s has just made me pessimistic like... sure I'm gonna graduate but is it even a meaningful degree? Am I gonna get a job? By the time I graduate will I even have work experience I missed out on by taking this year abroad?
Whatever. I ate so now my tummy's too full to write.
Comments
Displaying 1 of 1 comments ( View all | Add Comment )
Theory
I also used to be demotivated in uni, but it wasn't due to ADHD or stuff. It was due to an extreme OCD case in me that fucking ruins my entire existence. Anyways, I think it is because it's a more prestigious uni. So it's normal to feel like that, but don't worry about it. Soon you'll get adapted to it. Study when you feel like it. And be optimistic about it. That's how I go through it despite having an terrible mental illness.
oh wow, thanks 4 the advice :3
by Layla; ; Report