Adoremus in Aeternum (p.II)

I did not eat for two weeks

Following the night I gifted you my knuckle bones.

You might not know this, but there is no such thing as independent “knuckle” bones.

Our knuckles are simply the knobby ends of our metacarpals.

So, I had to first cut into my flesh and secondly use a bone saw to detach the knobby ends.

I took all ten knuckles as well as my saved baby teeth

I used a drill to make holes in them and I weaved rough twine through the osseous beads.

I created a rosary: seven knuckles and seven baby teeth on the neck loop

And three of the largest knuckles on the second string.

Still bloody as they are- you looped them between your phalanges and cradled them in a prayer.

My heart burst into a bloody pulp

-my organ tissue sticky and taught like spider webs in my chest cavity

And i could not eat

For the maggots that found their way into my ruined heart

Squirmed into my stomach and made it wriggly and fluttery.

Crazed with emotion: i spent those two weeks on my hands and knees

Letting maggots fill the empty space knuckles once occupied

And panting with joy- my saliva building the river an infant prophet drowned in

Shaping you, in my mind, formless but bright, my own Polaris.

The feeling was all too big- and it built a steeple where i once sat alone on the lamb hill