quick lil rant

ok so i pray that im not the only one with this problem because if i am i might just shoot myself rn

so i feel like its SO hard making friends like what the fuck. like NO ONE around me peeks my interest because they’re all the same boring, privileged white kids or arrogant christian’s (i go to an anglican school - no offense to any religious people btw). and EVEN IF there is something i can slightly relate too, they just have to be a butch cause what do you mean you’re too faced bitch with a dangerous drug dealer boyfriend that has been passed around.

anyways, it’s sucks SO MUCH because i struggle making friends with people and the most i can do is some nice interactions. like friends from when i was younger either moved away for we’re just not close anymore. and it SUCKS because i literally have to sit by myself and constantly hear about people making plans with the their friends or they’re just sitting with each other while i’m in the library.

the problem is i have no one else to blame but myself because the friendships i did have i ended up screwing them up and the last were so bad like i feel like im genuinely such a horrible person. for context i was friends with this girl and she had confided with me about somethings about her and when she didn’t want to do something that i asked her to do, out of frustration i talked shit about her to a person i know she had problems with. the worst part is i genuinely felt horrible for what i did but she hadn’t forgiven me (she really doesn’t have to either way). i mean i can talk to her every now and again but it’ll never be the same

the LAST time i got close to making a new friend i ended up UNKNOWINGLY triggering her and she then joined the girl that i was friends with and now they’re friends. like i mean we talked things out and she said she’s forgiven me but i haven’t talked to her since last month.

so idk, i mean i’m a teenage girl who has niche interests with no way of meeting people unless because all the people i can relate to live like an hour away and my parents won’t drive me that far. AND i’ve fucked up every good relationship i have an now have to wait until uni/college to make new friends

so yeah rant over what must i do T-T