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Does anyone even know how it feels to be a class loser? Cause I'm so, so sick of myself. I'm not even that weird to be bullied you know. I just seem like an isolated quiet kid who wouldn't talk to anyone but her 2 friends and that makes me feel invisible to everyone. I'm clearly not good at anything either to make it up. I'm really dumb with no special talents, and it makes me feel so embarrassed.
Today I suspected my groupmates of a performance task forgot I was part of their group. This has been crossing my mind the whole day and I wanted to talk to one of them about it just in case. I spent the day just starring at her wondering when I'd try and speak about it. She was right in front of me during dismissal of classes and I swear that I would build up the courage for that was the only chance left I could have attempted.
I failed to speak to her. She ran away after receiving a call.
I got scared but thought I'd probably text her tonight. And right now, I still don't know if I should do it. It is not even the first that this situation occurred to me this year. This was the third time. It pisses me off, but it is clearly all me to blame for ignoring people. It isn't my intention, and I don't know how to stop myself from being so fricking weird. Do I hate people, or do I just have so much self-hatred? I don't know what to do... ( ;´ - `;)
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𝙈arii✮丰
Hey, so, as a person that is very similar to you I can say that blaming yourself is not the solution, yk thoughts hurt a lot and keep thinking about the way you are won't help, that's really the point: you're the way you are, not everyone can have the capacity to talk easily to people or to be in a certain way. The concept of weird is weird itself, I can consider weird something as much as you can consider weird something else, some people could think you're weird but that doesn't make them right because as I said it's something subjective. What happened today about that teamwork could be that it was just a mistake, I hope so for you, but to be sure you should talk to that girl you mentioned. Typing a text is honestly a very good option, for me it's not easy to talk as well and I use texts a lot when I can't talk, so dw you're not the only one like that and it's not even just about the two of us! Just because you see people that have no problems with talking doesn't mean that you're wrong! The only people to blame here are the people who judge you negatively for being different from them, they literally are judging you without a proper reason like a bad action (in this case too not anyone can judge if they don't know the person and the reason of the action). Being different is not a blame at all! When they're all the same it's boring
Thank you so muchh, this gave me courage. I will try my best and speak to her as soon as before the deadline. Perhaps tomorrow since it is late at night from where I am.
(I also forgot to mention this but our teacher posted out our group members and I doubt that it was a mistake.. the only alternative I can think of is that neither of them had taken the intiative to create a groupchat to work on it. Which is unlikely, knowing them.) Either way, the thought that I'm not the only one who is like this makes me feel reassured that maybe everyone has a different response to many things.. thank you for your kind words and help <3
by wakoneii; ; Report
You're welcome! Always here if you need to, we can be friends if you want =)
by 𝙈arii✮丰; ; Report
Yess I would love to be friends with you!! Thank you again!
by wakoneii; ; Report
I texted you <3
by 𝙈arii✮丰; ; Report
Hii yes I did too!! Sorry for the late response
by wakoneii; ; Report