Men scare me sometimes

i always had problem with guys...guys never actually made me feel safe really...its a deep wound...people don't know that i was in a dangerous neighborhood...i grew up in the bronx...i have been used..manipulated lied too and sometimes stalked...and so you can guess why i am like this...i search for love my whole life since i hit 16 i was addicted to feeling loved and being loved and that sounds weird but its a very real thing...i want to have a happy ending...i  made stories of happy endings and me having them with a character or an idol...i just want someone one to love me unconditionally for once and  for me to feel exactly the same...its not fun being alone....i ahte being alone...its the worse...