i think i saw god today

i think i saw god today from my bus window

a small, hunched, woman had made the crosswalk, but wasn’t going to finish in time

a stranger ran to her, to gather her bags (of which she had many) and take her by the arm

they walked across together, no one pressed their horn at the pair, a seemly light emanated from their crowded form 

i don’t think i believe in god, but for a moment he existed, in the interlocked arms of two strangers who had no reason to help each other, but chose to anyway

they made it across, the woman bowed to the stranger (just as he had bowed when he bent to lift her things) and thanked him 

she handed him something then, a red hat far too small to fit on his head, she didn’t seem to notice 

he smiled, and handed the bags back delicately, putting the hat on before turning with small joy and continuing on his way

i wondered how his day would go, would he think about it as much as i did? would he have to think about it as much as i do? how could someone perform such a holy act and go on about their day like they hadn’t reinvented what the ancient hebrew had named jesus? maybe he didn’t exist 

i breathed in when i realized i could’ve been the stranger 

i could’ve been the one who had run over and picked up her bags

i could’ve been the one to help her across

i could’ve been the one smiling and turning away

i looked down at my lap to see asphalt, and the woman’s bags in my hands, as i held her and we crossed together 

the little red hat weighed heavy in my heart as i smiled before turning away

the image blew into pieces when the bus lurched into motion, i abandoned the road and the bags and the woman, shattered my thoughts were, like glass, my head was shaking in disbelief 

how did no one see what i just saw? 

i looked back on thew window, life resumed as normal, trees whipped by as buildings blurred into one

“a miracle!” i wanted to shout, to stand and say “was that god? i just saw god”

but i didn’t 

my seat remained full and my throat devoid of words 

the next traffic light, the next crosswalk, god dissipated 

no one came running to help the elderly man as his cane caught on the raised ground, as he struggled alone 

god didn't exist then 

maybe he never did. 

i think i saw god today- 

ame